“It’s impossible not to constantly wonder if there’s something better, someone better.”
My good female friend picked up her third glass of Syrah-Merlot and continued: “If I could only choose between three decent guys, it’d be a done deal. I’d be married already.”
I nodded. Having options–perceived infinite choice–isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. How, then, do you tame indecision, particularly in relationships?
The following guest post, written by Claire Williams, explores some of the more successful approaches… and realizations.
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In 2000, Drs. Sheena S. Iyengar and Mark R. Lepper set up a tasting booth at an upscale grocery store in California. On some days, they put out a selection of six types of jam; on other days they set out twenty-four. Although the wider selection attracted more shoppers, more people bought the jam when there were fewer options. It seemed
the more choices people had, the harder it was to make a decision.
The Paradox of Choice explored this infamous dilemma, in which having more options tends to leave us paralyzed and increase our buyer’s remorse. But what does that mean when you’re not just shopping? What about when you’re doing much more important stuff…like picking a job, a house, or – gasp – a life partner?… Read More
“To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” – Elbert Hubbard (source: uberzombie)
Right alongside the cash and credit cards, I keep a number of strange things in my wallet.
The largest is a folded-up page from the July 6, 2009 issue of Fortune magazine. In a profile, Scott Boras, widely regarded as the most powerful agent in professional baseball, describes a dinner with one of his mentors after a record-breaking contract:
“He said that if you are really effective at what you do, 95% of the things said about you will be negative. Keep your head on straight, don’t get emotional, take the heat, and just make sure your clients are smiling.”
Doing anything remotely interesting will bring criticism. Attempting to do anything large-scale and interesting will bring armies of detractors and saboteurs. This is fine – if you are willing to take the heat.
There are good reasons to be willing, even eager.
Colin Powell makes the case: pissing people off is both inevitable and necessary. This doesn’t mean that the goal is pissing people off. Pissing people off doesn’t mean you’re doing the right things, but doing the right things will almost inevitably piss people off.
Understand the difference.
Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off.
Good leadership involves responsibility to the welfare of the group, which means that some people will get angry at your actions and decisions. It’s inevitable, if you’re honorable. Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity: you’ll avoid the tough decisions, you’ll avoid confronting the people who need to be confronted, and you’ll avoid offering differential rewards based on differential performance because some people might get upset.
Ironically, by procrastinating on the difficult choices, by trying not to get anyone mad, and by treating everyone equally “nicely” regardless of their contributions, you’ll simply ensure that the only people you’ll wind up angering are the most creative and productive people in the organization. (full presentation here)
Don’t go through life with kid gloves on. The stakes are too high, and it is oftentimes more important to give people what they need, rather than what they want.
This includes ourselves. By facing the fire early and often, we ensure the confidence and breathing room later to do bigger and better things.
Or to just sit back in a hammock with the peace of mind that only comes with belief that you did your best.
Be criticized for doing small “safe” things, or be criticized for doing big things that you’re passionate about. That is the choice. The criticism will come either way, whether in the form of self-talk (the former) or ankle biters (the latter).
Let the critics criticize. It’s the builders who count.
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Total read time (bolded sections) = 5 minutes
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I am embarrassed to tell you that, up until three weeks ago, I had never read Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s Letter from a Birmingham City Jail. It is, without a doubt, one of the best case studies in how to deal with criticism I’ve ever come across.
Much like the historic Declaration of Independence (4-minute read time) and Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address (30-second read time), not much happened immediately following publication.
The direct action that it helped catalyze, however, prompted police abuse that became front-page news around the world.
The news created pressure on the US government for a response, and when Martin Luther later spoke with President John F. Kennedy, it’s reported that JFK’s message was much the same as the clergymen below: please be patient; time will solve this.
Reverend King’s response was purportedly a simple statement of fact. “I can’t stop this movement. The children plan to march on to the capital.”
JFK’s then sighed and changed his tune: “OK. What do you want, Martin?”
Check mate… Read More
