Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment 308 Comments

308 Responses to “Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment”

• A.E.Acar
  September 18th, 2007
  4:23 am
  

  People should stop thinking pessimistically in order to circumvent trying something. You know the type of person that goes “Oh, that’ll never work.” or “We don’t have a chance.”

  I call them C3POs – remember Star Wars? We are doomed. We are doomed. That’s the kind of “Let’s just give up” attitude that people should stop immediately.

  VIP Party: What season? Is it an indoors or outdoors party?

• A.E.Acar
  September 18th, 2007
  4:25 am
  

  addition:
  …that people should stop immediately by adding UNLESS at the end of a sentence:

  “I don’t think this will work UNLESS we…”

  By adding that simple word, you force yourself to think of solutions instead of indulging in despair.

• Kimchi Man
  September 18th, 2007
  4:43 am
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?
  -Swearing, every time you swear give a dollar to charity, start doubling if needed.
  -Smoking, there’s a lot of ways for this…

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  How about an awesome game of capture the flag at a park or beach. Winner gets a prize.

• Andrew
  September 18th, 2007
  5:09 am
  

  Another excellent post.

  I have played with the idea of using a wristband as a reminder of our mortality(“Life is Not A Dress Rehearsal” on my blog) but this idea is more action orientated. I like it.

  Keep up the life experiments – they benefit us all!

  A

• Vince
  September 18th, 2007
  5:15 am
  

  To resize a photo in iPhoto go to File->Export, set the file type (Kind), then choose “Custom” from the size drop-down. Otherwise iPhoto includes several predefined sizes as well. If you’re looking for a utility to batch resize a search at http://osx.iusethis.com for the word “resize” yields numerous results, the top four of which are freeware. Another good source is http://www.macupdate.com.

• Isabelle
  September 18th, 2007
  5:40 am
  

  wristband ideas: remove self-critical thinking, negative thoughts about ourselves, old tapes someone left behind in our head;

  I like to think about the “other side” of ideas and projects – to make my mind work a little harder and be more challenged…so, what about the reverse process: goal would be to switch wristband everyday I complete a task, or habit I’m working towards ex: each time I do something I’m afraid to do; each time I get the “big” project done first thing in the day; everytime I wait to get to my email; refused to allow someone or something to interrupt my goal, get my “two” big things done in the day..etc. I like this idea and I’m going to go find one of those wristbands and do it! Have a great trip! Thanks for an AWESOME life-styling book!

• Mike
  September 18th, 2007
  5:51 am
  

  Tim,

  Tim,

  Great post.

  The other behavior that people should stop is negative self talk. Instead, train the mind to see successful outcomes. As you mentioned, thoughts are the seeds of actions.

  As for your party question, give everyone the bracelet that you mentioned above and find a way to keep score. During the party this will surely spark conversation. I am sure people will leave the party thinking about the experience. Also, since they are VIPs a few of them may even spread the ideas to their organizations.

  Keep the posts coming. I really enjoy your insights.

• Dwayne
  September 18th, 2007
  5:59 am
  

  I am generally positive, but I’ll bet I find that I complain more than I think.

  On the topic of another behavior to change: it would be great to see people treat service industry workers with the same respect they afford doctors and other ‘professionals’.

  It isn’t hard, but it is amazing how many times I’ve seen travelers treat airline employees horribly for delays that weren’t their fault. How many times do they complain to their doctor for excess waits?

• TimG
  September 18th, 2007
  6:28 am
  

  Do you switch wrists for negative self defeating thoughts as well? There are a lot of “complaining” thoughts that never get verbalized. “Stinkin Thinkin” as Zig would say; can ruin your whole day!

  We should make the choice to see and think positive thoughts in what seems like a negative situation. Take every thought captive to avoid letting our mind get lazy and slide into “Stinkin Thinkin” which leads to complaining and even more.

  I’m curious; how is being “brutally honest” is going for you? It sound like it would make from some great story’s down the road!

  With a budget of $1,000 I would rent one of those guys that peddle a type of music cart/box around with a monkey playing a little instrument. I don’t know what they are called or if they even have a name but they are certainly unique! That would definitely stand out in my mind.

  Pretty much anything from a different culture that we haven’t already Americanized would be memorable to me.

• Dave Amphlett
  September 18th, 2007
  6:31 am
  

  The One Minute Millionaire book suggests the use a wrist band for conditioning.

  They suggest you use the band to condition yourself against using the expression “yeah, but”, or more fundamentally that way of thinking. It helps you avoid that whole process of rationalising yourself out of taking action on something you instinctively know is worth a try. For lots of people I think that’s the first negativity they need to address, certainly is for me!

  In their approach however they suggest you ’snap’ the band against your wrist rather than swap it from arm to arm. It’s surprisingly effective, although I think I prefer the accumulated progress of the 21 day ladder!

• Alex Shalman
  September 18th, 2007
  6:32 am
  

  Constructive criticism has been a bit of a grey area for thousands of years. When you criticize someone, you make them vulnerable, and break them down in sorts. So it’s important to know that you can’t just leave it at that. You have no right to criticize someone if you aren’t planning on being there for the aftermath and recovery of your comment.

  Another behavior that people should stop is nail biting. As crude as this system is, I think slapping yourself in the face each time you bite your nails will get your to stop pretty quickly. Associate enough pain with a behavior, and just like a rat, you will find an alternative.

  With a $1000 budget you would have to think outside the box. First, have a dress code of either all pink shirts, polka dots, or something else just as random and casual. Not wearing a suit will get people comfortable, less judgmental, not expecting gourmet Hors D’oeuvres, and just being more fun. Who is going to forget the polka dot party???

• Jeremiah Reid
  September 18th, 2007
  6:33 am
  

  “What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?”

  Compulsive worrying, without a doubt. It inevitably leads to complaining anyway.

  How to stop it? Start placing large cash bets on your so called “worst case scenarios” occurring and see how long it takes you to go broke. Or just use a bracelet. I suppose that would work as well.

  As to the bonus question, I would probably scare the living daylights out of these people with a Lynchian, Sawesque, elaborate, but cheap practical joke. They’re not going to forget that.

• Wild Bill
  September 18th, 2007
  6:35 am
  

  Hi,

  Just read your book. I swear I wrote it ;)

  Not knowing what to tell people that you do, making what you used to make in a year in a month etc. I live this. Checkout my blog if you have a second. The latest post particularly where my mother wishes me a happy birthday and says that she hopes I’ll always live my life the way I do.

  Shoot me an email next time you are in Thailand, we should grab a beer.

  Cheers

  Bill

• Geri
  September 18th, 2007
  7:00 am
  

  Blaming others for current frustrations or challenges tops my list of a thought pattern to change. Naturally, if the resposiblity or “fix” needs an other, that should be determined and assistance sought. But I mean losing the taste for that yummy feeling of “poor me” that is so devitalizing and counterproductive.

  The VIP’s would be treated to the best most unique foods, musicians and spa treatments I could arrange through networking with new start-up superstar companies in my area who appreciate the value of this kind of exposure. I would use the $1000, if needed, to fill any holes in the experience (decorations, invitations…)but I can’t imagine a service or product, except maybe postage, that can’t be arranged through connecting.

• Justin Davey
  September 18th, 2007
  7:03 am
  

  I’ve done a similar experiment in the past relying on a Bible verse (which one I can’t remember) that said to do everything as if you’re doing it for God…and don’t complain. I found that without complaining, tasks that I’d normally found unbearable became much easier and if I really got creative in my thinking I could even find some joy in accomplishing those tasks.

• Burton
  September 18th, 2007
  7:32 am
  

  What other behaviors to track and stop? Easy.

  Getting sidetracked.

  When you end up doing something you didn’t originally intend to do, you’re sidetracked.

  For example, you might get an email from a friend, then click a link, and suddenly start reading up on something interesting. (It could even be the 4 Hour Workweek.) If it’s not what you originally planned to do, you just disrupted your day. It’s not possible to be effective if your day is constantly disrupted.

  “Do It Tomorrow” is a great “time management” (actually self-management book) that explains this well. For best results, we should Think -> Decide -> Act. But if you’re ineffective, you tend to go with Stimulus -> Response.

  There’s no real thinking involved – no real using your brain to get the most out of your time and your day. So getting rid of sidetracking is one of the best things you can do to become more effective.

  Personal experience also shows that it makes you happier and more satisified. I’m not perfect but I’m getting there. :)

• AllenT
  September 18th, 2007
  7:41 am
  

  I think one thing to be conscious of is that some times we need a cornholio style breakdown to make real changes. It’s unhealthy to let things go for too long, and setting up action items allows us to deal with problems, but often our solutions to difficult problems are unpleasant themselves. To break through this and make real action rage is sometimes the only solution.

• Trick
  September 18th, 2007
  7:58 am
  

  I actually did something similar to this while I was in high school. I stumbled on it after reading about Ben Franklin and his book which he tracked his negative behaviors. I tried to keep a similar book (using my own list of negative actions) but the book quickly fell to the wayside. So instead I would devote a coincidental 3 weeks to one topic, for me though I successfully went the first 3 weeks without complaining (or maybe without realizing I had complained.)

• Michael Kaply
  September 18th, 2007
  8:03 am
  

  TimG:

  Monkey Grinder

• Blaine Moore
  September 18th, 2007
  8:32 am
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  I think that one of the most bothersome traits that some people have is centered around cursing. I went to visit family this past weekend, and my nephew (a freshman in high school) had a reasonably clean mouth for most of the evening. Once he thought that I was asleep and was chatting with his little brother, though, he began sprinkling in 4 letter words so much that his little brother called him on it and told him to clean it up.

  I think that cursing in general, even when it isn’t used as a complaint and especially when it is used as an unnecessary qualifier, would be a great habit to break using a method like this. The quarter jar approach sometimes works, but not usually.

  If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?
  I’d host a group run through Central Park (that being the only runner friendly place I know in NYC since I haven’t spent a lot of time there outside of the marathon when the streets were closed), but that might not appeal to people outside of my usual crowd.

• Michael Fisher
  September 18th, 2007
  8:32 am
  

  One of the most insidious and fundamentally debilitating behaviors we all tend to have is that of “second-handedness.” It starts when we are children, obsessed with “fitting in” and being liked, extends into high school where we obsess endlessly about being “cool,” and it carries into adulthood by default.

  In essence, “second-handedness” is our tendency to judge what we say and do according to the standard of what we think OTHER people will think, rather than by the standard of what WE think or what will make US happy.

  It’s all about motive.

  Are you wearing that shirt because YOU like it and because it’s comfortable — or are you wearing it because you know you paid $175 for it and you hope you might have a chance to mention that when you go out tonight with your friends?

  Are you ordering that cup of coffee because YOU really love that flavor of coffee — or are you ordering it because you think you will look cool to the girl you are taking out?

  Are you dumping money into a house you can’t really afford because YOU love it and because it makes you happy — or are you really just thinking about outdoing your friends from high school and excited about showing it off to your family when they come over?

  It goes on and on. It’s relentless.

  What this kind of habitual thinking leads to is a stale, plastic, inauthentic, other-centric life. Worse, it separates you from reality: what is important to you anymore has nothing to do with what is REALLY going on, but with what you want others to THINK ABOUT YOU. You sacrifice your “self” for that hazy murk you allow yourself to obsess over: what other people might think (or not think) about you.

  And of course, we all tend to do this to one extent or another. But it can be terribly destructive not only to our capacity to be authentically happy but also to our capacity to create real lives for ourselves (as apart from the wishy-washy paranoid delusional drama-filled manipulative bull***t what-will-the-neighbors-think? scrabbling existences most people around us are muddling their way through).

  How do you get past it? How do you stop making every damn choice center around this obsession with what other people are going to think of you? The best solution I’ve come up with so far is to ask myself “What would Roark do?” (Referencing the character of Howard Roark from Ayn Rand’s novel The Fountainhead — the iconic example of the Individual, who thinks and lives entirely apart from any concern with what others might think of him.)

  Learning to ask that kind of question can help, especially when combined with learning to force yourself to break the pattern whenever you catch yourself falling into second-handed thinking.

  Were you going to wear that shirt because you wanted to brag about what you paid for it? Fine. You just blew it. Put it back on the hanger and wear a T-shirt instead.

  Were you entertaining the idea of what you were going to drop at the party to let everyone know you just bought a Porsche? Fine. No more. You now are going to resolve not to mention the damn car at all. And if someone else brings it up, you’re going to pass it off as quickly as possible and change the subject.

  We need to learn to stand as individuals. We need to think for ourselves. We need to live our own lives — and stop trying to weigh our own value according to what we think others are thinking of us.

  One caveat: The kid in high school who wears black all the time and is covered in piercings and has a “Suck Mein Kampf” T-shirt — that kid is just as tied up in second-handedness as the rest. He is just as wrapped up in what others are thinking of him. He is still playing for an effect, albeit a negative one. Same with the “cool” kid in the leather jacket slouching around at the mall. He may look like he doesn’t give a crap, but he is keenly aware of the looks he is drawing, barely able to think past how “cool” he must look to everyone around him.

  False-individuality is just another kind of conformity; you’re still thinking in the pack, you’ve just chosen a different pack.

  If you are going to live your own life, a legitimate and true life, an authentic life … you need to stop basing everything you say and do on how you think others will look at you (or what you hope people with think or not think about you).

  We need to stop trying to impress everyone, stop worrying about what all the other sheep are thinking about us.

  We need to start living our own lives. We need to start making our decisions based on our own judgment of reality, on our reasoned estimations of right and wrong, on the basis of what makes sense and what truly makes us happy.

  ~ Michael Fisher

• Zaid Rasid
  September 18th, 2007
  8:44 am
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  In my IT department we have a morning scrum (meeting) at exactly 8:45am. At first, employees were arriving late to this meeting and that was annoying our leader. So he developed a penalty of $1 to each individual who arrived late to the meeting. We even created a board called the ‘Tard’ board (for tardiness) and we have a head shot of each employee that moves up a ladder daily for each late meeting. The person with the most late mornings is pronounced the Tard king and is fined $5 for being late the next day. The Tard king also has to facilitate the morning meeting and present to the company during our weekly IT update.

  At first it was a bit controversial and no one liked the idea of essentially being fined for being late. But people started showing up on time. What I really think happened was that peer pressure became more of a larger incentive to be on time.

  This idea rolled out to the rest of the company and now senior leaders have to pay $20 if they are late for their monthly meeting.

  All the money of course goes to a charity which we chose in advance.

• Lorna Tedder
  September 18th, 2007
  9:00 am
  

  Behavior to stop? Hoarding.

  Hoarding of tax returns from 20 years ago, hoarding of dot matrix computer parts, hoarding of clothes you’ll never wear, hoarding of ideas.

  Best way to get rid of them is to look at why you as an individual hoard things/ideas/etc…usually related to a feeling of scarcity or insecurity about the future. I believe we hoard not because we live in the past and want to hang onto sentimental stuff (taxes aren’t sentimental!)but because we might need it in the future and therefore we have a mindset of not having enough in the future and we come to expect to not have enough. Once you have a good understanding of why you’re holding onto things and what fears you have about your future…as well as what confidence you have in yourself…you can start to shed the clutter in your home, in your relationships, in your job decisions. The big change for me was in looking at each room in my house, each job task, and each activity in my life and deciding what would go with me if I had to move and start a new life elsewhere in 48 hours (I live in hurricane country). Whatever would go with me stayed and the rest, I got rid of.

• H
  September 18th, 2007
  9:07 am
  

  Hi,

  This isn’t related to this post and I apologize up front for that. Like many of the readers here, I’m a fan of Tim Ferris. I recently came across two autographed copies of the 4HWW which I am auctioning off on eBay for charity (as inspired by Tim). Proceeds go to Donors Choose, a non-profit Tim has mentioned before in this blog.

  Here’s the link and apologies for the “spam”:

  http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=200152212700&ssPageName=STRK:MESE:IT&ih=010

• Johan Norén
  September 18th, 2007
  9:15 am
  

  I think people should stop watch TV as much as they do (not stop 100% though). The best way to do it is when you watch TV you have to train at a gym (or at home) for the same amount of time as you watched TV. This way people will get more healthy very fast!

  For the party I would get a sponsored hall to be in, for example a restaurant who can sell drinks and give a presentation about their company to the guests. Then I would have the party as a potluck supper where everyone bring there own little food or snack, imagine 100 different choices for food =). After the party I would take the guests out in the sun (in a park) and play some free outdoor games like kubb or boule.

• Matthew Cornell
  September 18th, 2007
  9:29 am
  

  I love it. Your definition (“describing an event or person negatively without indicating next steps to fix the problem”) is a good one. I have to say it bugs the hell out of me when someone complains about the same thing over time >>without making a change

• Alan!
  September 18th, 2007
  9:31 am
  

  “What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?�

  Pretending to be a victim.

  A victim mentality stems from ignorance, fear, a misunderstanding of reality. This can be resolved by being informed and continued personal growth (but not too much reading: inform and then act!).

  I’d love to see the human race evolve more quickly through an increase in emotional intelligence and general personal awareness. Its happening – slowly!

  Love your work Tim.

• Lou
  September 18th, 2007
  9:32 am
  

  What habit do I think people would benefit from losing? Watching too much TV! I know so many people whose potential is completely wasted because they spend every discretionary hour on doing nothing in front of the TV. I have friends who flirt with poverty because they spend their discretionary earnings on cable subscriptions. There are whole web sites dedicated to getting free from TV, but the easiest way is just to decide to keep it turned off, and to plan what you’re going to watch. Set an egg timer, if you need to.

  Unlimited budget for a VIP party in SF or NYC? I always wanted to have a third world dictator party. Everybody dresses up in garish military uniforms, oversized sunglasses, and leopard print berets, and drinks pina coladas or sweet sweet coffee. A trip to a thrift store and a visit to a seamstress to sew on the craft store tassles, and you’ve got all it takes for a social leveler. Guests spend the evening getting to look completely ridiculous, and forgetting that they’re VIPs. Plus who doesn’t want to be a third world dictator, once assassination is taken out of the picture?

• Stephanie Richardson
  September 18th, 2007
  9:36 am
  

  #1 Behavior that needs to stop: judging others on knee-jerk reactions & one’s own moral agenda. (I can dream right!?)

  Growing up, my mom used to have a really cheesy wooden/photo plaque hanging on our wall that said “Old Indian Prayer: You cannot judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins.” Despite it’s kitsch, the moral was there.

  I guess the best way to curb this sort of thing would be to use a method similar to that of the complaining bracelet. In this case, the action taken would be a matter of stopping, thinking about a situation from someone else’s point of view and reassessing. It just seems a lot more human to start viewing others in this way.

  As for the VP question…
  I would probably coordinate the event with a city-wide free music festival or outdoor concert. Then I would spend my $1,000 on several 12 foot subs and other outdoorsy-picnicky food & drink.

• Michael Fisher
  September 18th, 2007
  9:44 am
  

  One of the most insidious and fundamentally debilitating behaviors we all tend to have is that of “second-handedness.” It starts when we are children, obsessed with “fitting in” and being liked, extends into high school where we obsess endlessly about being “cool,” and it carries into adulthood by default.

  In essence, “second-handedness” is our tendency to judge what we say and do according to the standard of what we think OTHER people will think, rather than by the standard of what WE think or what will make US happy.

  It’s all about motive.

  Are you wearing that shirt because YOU like it and because it’s comfortable — or are you wearing it because you know you paid $175 for it and you hope you might have a chance to mention that when you go out tonight with your friends?

  Are you ordering that cup of coffee because YOU really love that flavor of coffee — or are you ordering it because you think you will look cool to the girl you are taking out?

  Are you dumping money into a house you can’t really afford because YOU love it and because it makes you happy — or are you really just thinking about outdoing your friends from high school and excited about showing it off to your family when they come over?

  It goes on and on. It’s relentless.

  What this kind of habitual thinking leads to is a stale, plastic, inauthentic, other-centric life. Worse, it separates you from reality: what is important to you anymore has nothing to do with what is REALLY going on, but with what you want others to THINK ABOUT YOU. You sacrifice your “self” for that hazy murk you allow yourself to obsess over: what other people might think (or not think) about you.

  And of course, we all tend to do this to one extent or another. But it can be terribly destructive not only to our capacity to be authentically happy but also to our capacity to create real lives for ourselves (as apart from the wishy-washy paranoid delusional drama-filled manipulative bull***t what-will-the-neighbors-think? scrabbling existences most people around us are muddling their way through).

  How do you get past it? How do you stop making every damn choice center around this obsession with what other people are going to think of you? The best solution I’ve come up with so far is to ask myself “What would Roark do?” (Referencing the character of Howard Roark from Ayn Rand’s novel The Fountainhead — the iconic example of the Individual, who thinks and lives entirely apart from any concern with what others might think of him.)

  Learning to ask that kind of question can help, especially when combined with learning to force yourself to break the pattern whenever you catch yourself falling into second-handed thinking.

  Were you going to wear that shirt because you wanted to brag about what you paid for it? Fine. You just blew it. Put it back on the hanger and wear a T-shirt instead.

  Were you entertaining the idea of what you were going to drop at the party to let everyone know you just bought a Porsche? Fine. No more. You now are going to resolve not to mention the damn car at all. And if someone else brings it up, you’re going to pass it off as quickly as possible and change the subject.

  We need to learn to stand as individuals. We need to think for ourselves. We need to live our own lives — and stop trying to weigh our own value according to what we think others are thinking of us.

  One caveat: The kid in high school who wears black all the time and is covered in piercings and has a “Suck Mein Kampf” T-shirt — that kid is just as tied up in second-handedness as the rest. He is just as wrapped up in what others are thinking of him. He is still playing for an effect, albeit a negative one. Same with the “cool” kid in the leather jacket slouching around at the mall. He may look like he doesn’t give a crap, but he is keenly aware of the looks he is drawing, barely able to think past how “cool” he must look to everyone around him.

  False-individuality is just another kind of conformity; you’re still thinking in the pack, you’ve just chosen a different pack.

  If you are going to live your own life, a legitimate and true life, an authentic life … you need to stop basing everything you say and do on how you think others will look at you (or what you hope people with think or not think about you).

  We need to stop trying to impress everyone, stop worrying about what all the other sheep are thinking about us.

  We need to start living our own lives. We need to start making our decisions based on our own judgment of reality, on our reasoned estimations of right and wrong, on the basis of what makes sense and what truly makes us happy.

• Leonard Klaatu
  September 18th, 2007
  9:59 am
  

  Talking badly about others.

  Sure, sometimes it’s deserved, but nobody’s life is improved by bad-mouthing others.

  Simple solution…carry a small vile of something that tastes horrible to you. It could be some pepper type substance (like the stuff used to make people stop biting their fingernails). Whatever it is, make sure it’s something awful to YOU.

  Every time you catch yourself talking badly of others. Take it from your purse or pocket, touch it to your tongue and PRESTO – you’ll have a bad taste in your mouth (deserving).

  You could add one other element if you want – GREAT TASTE ASSOCIATED WITH KIND WORDS SPOKEN OF OTHERS. Get something that tastes wonderful to you. Everytime you speak kindly of others, hit your tongue with it.

• Leonard Klaatu
  September 18th, 2007
  10:00 am
  

  By the way, STICK WITH THE MAC. You will never go back. Not sure what problems you’re having or why – but anybody smart enough to figure out how to work only 4 hours a week can surely conquer a Mac computer.

• Never the Same River Twice
  September 18th, 2007
  10:06 am
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  I would say the worst habit I and lots of my co-workers have is trying to do other work while having a face-to-face conversation with someone. For example, I have the terrible habit of talking to someone while sitting in my chair in my office. When the other person is talking I’m often tempted to check my email notifications, shuffle papers, etc. It’s rude and I’m trying very hard not to do it. My method so far has been to shut off my monitor when someone stops by.

• Michael Fisher
  September 18th, 2007
  10:09 am
  

  Just to echo Leonard Klaatu’s comment: Stick with the Mac! I made the switch earlier this year, got myself the MacBook Pro, bought all new software (Adobe Creative Suite, BBEdit, iLife and iWork, Final Cut Express DV, etc.) … and I would never under any circumstances ever go back.

  If you need to resize photos, I recommend any of the Adobe Photoshop products. You can get something as easy as Photoshop Elements or as full-featured as Photoshop CS3. You can also get Adobe Lightroom, which I consider the current pinnacle of photo-organizing and general photo-editing software. You don’t get all of the crazy stuff you can do with Photoshop, but you get an awesome tool for organizing your photos, editing them, creating slide shows and web galleries, and preparing prints.

  If you pick up Lightroom, I’ll personally give you an over-the-phone training session and have you up and running with best practices in an hour.

  At any rate — stay with the Mac. There’s a slight learning curve, but once you’re through it, you will never go back to a PC again.

• Derek Scruggs
  September 18th, 2007
  10:10 am
  

  Shoot. I started using a variation on this about four years ago and never thought to try to turn it into a movement. Instead of switching hands, though, I snap it against my wrist. Switching hands is a probably a better way to measure effectiveness over time, though.

  Also, I totally agree with the next action approach to complaints. I think this can be applied to almost any negative emotion. http://www.askderekscruggs.com/the-emotional-inbox.html

• Charles Tsai
  September 18th, 2007
  10:16 am
  

  Online Addiction (that includes blogs!)

  Some of us spend way too much time online. It can lead to social isolation, passivity, and even depression. (And no, your “friends” on Facebook, MySpace, Friendster and other social network sites are not really your “friends.” Vast majority are mere acquaintances.)

  Decide for yourself ahead of time what number of hours a week would be reasonable to spend online… for work and other things. Set that as your max and don’t go over it.

  It might be easier for some to set the number of hours (in their waking life) they want to be offline.

  So you might say, I want to make sure I have 5 hours each day when I’m not at my computer. For every day that you miss your offline goal, you have to whip yourself 5 times OR you have to put $5 in a jar and spend that money on your friends.

• Jean Baxter
  September 18th, 2007
  10:18 am
  

  Organ Grinder, actually

• Adam
  September 18th, 2007
  10:29 am
  

  I would throw a kegger/frisbee competition in a public park.

• Rachel Rofe
  September 18th, 2007
  10:35 am
  

  Awesome post.

  I went to a Warrior Camp that taught to us to do something similar. Every time we said something negative and unproductive, we’d “slap” our hand with the bracelet. We wore the bracelet for 30 days.

  I like Will’s “wrist switch” method better. Like you, I’m preparing for some major projects that are really going to test my patience, so I’m going to pick up a bracelet today.

  As far as what else people should stop – I strongly believe that people need to act before they think.

  It’s quite stunning, really… how so many people stop themselves from doing things because they over-think.

  In my opinion, this could easily be fixed by people putting themselves in situations that challenge their comfort zone, as you mentioned in 4HWW.

  By pushing themselves at least once a week (or once a day), people will come to realize that their fear (definition of fear: ANTICIPATION of pain – as in, it hasn’t happened yet) was completely in their head.

  A personal “slogan” might help, too. Mine is (quite originally) “Just do it.”.

• Johan Norén
  September 18th, 2007
  10:38 am
  

  I think people should stop watch TV as much as they do (not stop 100% though). The best way to do it is when you watch TV you have to train at a gym (or at home) for the same amount of time as you watched TV. This way people will get more healthy very fast!

  For the party I would get a sponsored hall to be in, for example a restaurant who can sell drinks and give a presentation about their company to the guests. Then I would have the party as a potluck supper where everyone bring there own little food or snack, imagine 100 different choices for food =). After the party I would take the guests out in the sun (in a park) and play some free outdoor games like kubb or boule.

• Thomas
  September 18th, 2007
  11:13 am
  

  I’ve been getting your blog posts via email from feedburner. I thought you might want to know that the code in the Go To My PC advertisements is getting broken somewhere in the pipeline. The result is html code sitting in plain view of your blog entry emails.

  the code “alt=3D”Try It Free” border=3D”0″/>” appears, it is happening because of a “br” tag that is in the imagr tag of the advertisement.

  ###

  Thank you, Thomas! I really appreciate you letting me know, and I’ll pass this on to them.

  All the best,

  Tim

• macLuv
  September 18th, 2007
  11:44 am
  

  * From Apple’s Tips section:

  Resizing Photos for Emailing

  After you attach a photo to your email message (you can just drag-and-drop the image into the New Message window), take a look in the bottom-right corner of your email message window, and you’ll see a pop-up menu where you can choose the Image Size you’d like to send. As soon as you choose a size (other than Actual Size), the image is immediately scaled down right within the email message window so you can see the exact size of the photo you’re sending.

  http://www.apple.com/pro/tips/emailresize.html

  * From Apple’s Downloads section:

  Film Roll 1.0

  A group of plug-ins for the Finder. Film Roll provides one-click automation for: Adding photos to iPhoto, Cropping Photos, Flipping Photos, Changing the Image Type, Resizing the Photos, Printing Photos, and Placing a frame around the photos.

  http://www.apple.com/downloads/macosx/automator/filmroll.html

• Shazad
  September 18th, 2007
  11:47 am
  

  I think people should stop referencing fake or phantom knowledge like, I heard from someone that such and such should be done this way or with this and that. Please check resources and make sure the info is valid rather than Internet myth, fairy tale or people speaking out of their butt on issues they dont really understand! Enforcement would be to challenge everyone whenever they start speaking this way and drill them for names and references to hopefully annoy them enough so they dont blurt out unqualified advice in front of you ever again.

  Idea for 1000 VIP event – have 100 of them volunteer to be the servers to the others. Call it a lesson in giving and serving to your peers. An event for VIPs with time and effort donated by VIPs. Have another dozen or so be the speakers (10min each) on who they consider to be VIPs in life or their industry and why. Invite some or all of the guests to bring their own finger food in a pot-luck style event to share with their VIP peers. Have another 50 or so be the wrap-up/clean-up folks at the end of the event. Invite some of the wealthiest VIPs to donate door prizes to be raffled off to their fellow VIPs or donated to charity. Use contacts and good PR to book a nice hall somewhere and advise the hall owner to give you the hall for $500 or free so that he can get the free publicity of all these VIPs coming together in one place and getting exposure at this hall. Use $500 for nice looking invitations from a printing company that can also use more exposure and will be willing to reduce their rate to this amount so they could get free advertising on the back of the invitation cards and a logo or name at the bottom of each as a co-sponsor of the event.
  Create Press Releases and distribute to all local TV stations and newspapers to invite them to cover the event – free publicity. Have a current great speaker/author/public figure be a special guest at the event and make sure they donate their time for free for the publicity and chance to mingle with many other VIPs. Great for famous politicians around the time of their re-election and campaigning. Also good for authors of new books! Have a Corporate sponsor or two to help get their name on the invite card and at the entrance to the main hall. Give them access to the VIP address/contact list for follow-up in exchange for cost of decorations, entertainment, limo service, and security.

• Danielle Baldwin
  September 18th, 2007
  11:52 am
  

  What other behavior do you think people should stop?

  Interrupting. Just as Never the Same River indicates, we often get so used to multitasking that we assume we can actually listen while doing something else. We forget that communication is a dual-party process. To listen effectively you must be an active participant.

  We have a policy in our office of the ‘3 Second Rule’ in conversations. You speak, you finish, I wait 3 seconds and then I speak. Repeat. It has transformed the way we communicate and improved both the authenticity of our message and the respect we all feel from our peers. The difficulty is when we get a group moving and everyone has a pressing idea to share RIGHT NOW. We are working on learning to ‘park it’ by jotting it down and maintaining our attention on the current speaker. It it is admittedly challenging but the benefits are worth the effort.

  Additionally, the uninitiated often are unable to allow three seconds of silence and keep talking, offering more and more insight. Clients have shared trusted information without hesitation simply because it seemed we were waiting for more.

• Jason DeFillippo
  September 18th, 2007
  11:58 am
  

  I’d eliminate the passive aggressive exasperation sigh. It’s one of my all time pet peeves. I’d say every time you catch yourself on the inhale for the sigh turn it into a yawn and rewire your brain to feel exhausted by the negative emotion instead of laying it on other people…

  As far as a party in SF you have to rent this and drop the extra bucks or charge a few bucks at the door. It’s BADASS!

  [Jason, you put in the magic link! That's what I remembered you talking about. I've removed the link so that it isn't booked until 2015, but you'll be invited to the party ;)]

  Have a good trip!

• Victory Darwin
  September 18th, 2007
  12:28 pm
  

  TIM KEEP THE MAC! You don’t realize how much we’ve all been programmed by PC’s. We wrongly think we are getting smarter because of our ever-growing knowledge base of useless technical tricks that we should have never needed in the first place. It consumes our time, brainspace and energy. The PC is entirely ANTI-4HWW, the Mac is 100% pro 4HWW.

  TIM, PLEASE MAKE A POLL ON THIS…
  (first define the voter)
  1. always a mac user
  2. pc then converted to mac
  3. still a pc user
  4. mac, then converted to pc (kidding!)

  You believe PC’s are ANTI-4HWW & MACS are PRO-4HWW
  YES/NO

  Re: complaining. I just don’t complain. I’m super action oriented to take the next step toward victory. And people around me get reprogrammed as a result.

  Re: PARTY PROMO:

  I googled Jeremiah’s “Lynchian, Sawesque” and it was indexed in Google 4 hours ago, almost immediately. WOW! Google must take you as a real hip/authoritative place to be!

  Anyway, now that I know what it means, I do think some sort of MAJOR PRACTICAL JOKE would be great. It could even net some great publicity in the process.

  How about we stealthily hook the media to cover some new TREND amongst CEO’s that has them only working one day a week. At 8am they all watch a 15 minute 4HWW web program to “tune them in” (cult like) then, a reporter follows one of them through his day (where he gets a week of work done). We’ll come up with some quirky management behavior and visuals. eg. He wears a suit and tie, but has a water bottle clipped to his alligator belt, and the back of his tie is terry cloth to wipe off the sweat. When he walks through the office the crowd the crowd opens up a foot ahead, like a repelling magnet, then closes back around him. He speaks in a top down computer programming / telegram style.

  Do you remember the movie “Revenge of the Nerd”? Later the main guy became a nerd for hire at parties. You could have several of these 4hww actors, men and women, young and old, PLANTED in the party. Their behavior starts out fairly normal and progresses to ridiculous by the end of the night. eg1. they address people by their project/profession because Names are useless info that they won’t remember anyway. eg2. they join a small group chat and try to organize and prioritize things so that it is all relevant and focussed. they interrupt people who provide too much detailed info that may get them off track.

  At the end of the night make an announcement about some coaching you will be doing and these people are heading it up. It can be totally wacked 4hww concepts.

  shoot a video of the entire event and later edit into something for youtube. the 4hww spoof party video could become a viral hit to get exposure for the real 4hww.

  DAMN THAT WOULD BE FUN. How important do I have to be, to be a VIP? Maybe I could be one of the planted 4hww wackos.

  Victory.

• nomaods
  September 18th, 2007
  12:29 pm
  

  One other behavior which coincides with complaining is comparing.
  Comparing oneself or condition to that of another. Jane has X,Y,Z and doesn’t have to do A,B,C like I do.

  If you see there is a problem or something that you would liked changed, (wo)man up and change it! If you are a couple, brainstorm what and how things can be changed. Though I’ve found that some people will always find somethig to complain about, no matter what has been changed.

  Figure out your TMI and set on a path to meet those needs so that you(rs) can be just like the Janes of the world or something better.

  Now back to my mousehole.
  n

• nomaods
  September 18th, 2007
  12:32 pm
  

  Tim,
  Here’s an AppleScript I wrote awhile ago to resize images on the Mac.
  http://www.versiontracker.com/dyn/moreinfo/macosx/25633

• Ven
  September 18th, 2007
  12:55 pm
  

  Behavior to stop: I like the suggestion to stop multitasking. I also think people should stop deflecting compliments (“oh no, really, it’s nothing”) and just say “thank you.”

  VIPs and low budget: I’d tell them to dress casual and arrange some low-rent fun: bowling and beer, a picnic on blankets in the park, renting little boats and taking people fishing and then grilling up the fish for dinner, a bonfire on the beach. All that wonderful stuff that most of us haven’t enjoyed since high school / college.

• Philip Barton
  September 18th, 2007
  12:56 pm
  

  If I could have my way (which I can’t), everyone would maintain steady eye contact in their interactions with others. The inability to maintain eye contact is habitual, and the habit can be broken by simply forcing yourself in the opposite direction.

  As for the VIP party… simple, I’d make it a flash mob.

• Another Tim
  September 18th, 2007
  1:03 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  Worry:

  My mom has brought the family down for years through her excessive worry. This behavior has never seemed to benefit anyone in any way. I understand the difference between active concern and worry. Where active concern is a concentrated identification and focus on a problem for the purpose of eliminating it. And so I observe that where there is no desire / motivation / interest to actively seek a solution , then ‘worry’ seems to be the result. In my experience and in my life … a monumental waste of time and energy.

  And so how do you train yourself to stop prolonged worry?
  Some people enjoy worrying. Who knows why? And they don’t want to stop. So stay away from these people. Duh. But – for me – growing up with the worrywort mom …

  Try this:

  Train yourself to identify every single source of anxiety as soon as it enters your mind. Merely exercising your mind in this way helps in the elimination process. Most of worry can be removed if it is only identified in detail.
  Two questions I ask myself immediately are:

  #1 Is someone going to die if this problem is not resolved?
  #2 How bad – REALLY – is the ‘worst case’?

  - surround yourself with positive people and positive things that make you feel good. Don’t suffer depressed people’s thought patterns to move into your mind. They are usually big on worry.

  Here is an EXCELLENT article that I found on the internet dealing with worry.
  http://www.anxietyculture.com/worry.htm

  >>>

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  Memorable and fun?

  I find that interactive meetings that include copious amounts of audience interaction ( all the audience so that nobody feels spotlighted or embarrassed ) are the most memorable and fun.

  The worst ( most boring ) meetings are were someone gets up and talks the whole time about business.
  Comedy … surprises … Interrupt the meeting with some form of hoax, humor or parlor trick …
  Do something random and high energy. Have the backstreet boys come in and grab audience members to help them to perform … hell, they should go for about $1000 now …

  Give out name badges that already have a random name on them … Sound stupid? … well even ’stupid’ stuff is more fun than … well …. ‘boring’ …

• Jason Jaworski
  September 18th, 2007
  1:09 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  Making excuses seems to be very destructive to attaining goals, and more importantly, to get back on track if encountered by a setback. Excuses often are a “let myself off the hook” mechanism that impedes potential. I myself am a culprit more often than I like to admit.

  Recently I’ve tried to address not making excuses with REVERSE-EXCUSES tied to specific consequences. If I have not attained my goal and/or have suffered a setback, instead of saying “I can’t get to the gym to work out 5 times this week,” I instead say, “I can’t sit at home and gain 5 pounds.” I’ve also realized that making your goals public (telling friends,family) also builds an important support system and the feeling that if you do not try to attain your goal(s), you’ve let yourself down in their eyes.

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  A NYC Central Park/SF park BBQ would definitely be my suggestion. BBQ food allows for a variety of cost-conscious alternatives (without tipping!). I’d complement the BBQ with team-building activities, such as social games and physical activities like volleyball, potato sack races, horse shoes, etc.

• Cyndi
  September 18th, 2007
  1:20 pm
  

  I love this post. It really comes comes down to what kind of person you want to be.

  Anyone with a passion for what they do will set goals for themselves, usually aggressive goals. And many times, you need help from people around you to achieve them. What kind of person motivates their peers, friends and collegues? It’s not the person complaining and draining everyone’s energy.

  Complaining is tempting when your patience is tried and you just want to get sh*t done and we all give in. But solutions are helpful and positive, they just take a little more work.

  For the party – hire a great band, get a good music set list, and ask your guests if any of them want to play a song or two. I’m always shocked at the hidden music talent out there. And people like to hear each other play, good or bad. Music changes people for the better :)

  Try to stick out the mac. It’s worth it once you get used to it. I picked up that same book you’re holding in your hand when I was feeling the same way. I think David Pogue wrote that one – he’s one of the best tour guides you could ask for.

• Philip Barton
  September 18th, 2007
  1:33 pm
  

  …attempted to leave a comment about 30 minutes ago, but it never showed. So, a recap!

  Behavior to stop: Avoiding eye contact! Solid eye contact makes a world of difference in any interaction.

  Party for VIPs: Organize a flash mob. It would likely be a new experience for all in participation, and would very likely be a good memory. Afterwards, head to a nearby pub or diner, or hold a picnic or barbecue.

  As for the Mac stuff… I empathize with you. I support Macs and OSX Server in the enterprise, and I constantly find myself near screaming in frustration at how difficult it is to accomplish seemingly simple tasks (this is even worse with OSX Server, you have no idea).

  On the upside, once you’ve mastered OSX you will know plenty of awkward key commands that will be of absolutely no use to you in any other OS.

• Bruno Balvedi
  September 18th, 2007
  1:46 pm
  

  Hey!! Tim, i´m Brazilian love your site and check it every time you actualize.

  So,about the bracelets question…
  Generalizing: Everybody nows their one or two major problems. Make a Bracelet and change it every time you do this problems.

  In my case: From now on i will heave 2 bracelets.
  1)I will change every time i perceive that i´m not being courageous.
  2)Every time i lose control of a situation i could not lose control.( only on things that matter. Like, when i go to a party and i should be leading or participating on the coversation but i’m not… i can´t explain it right but i think you got the message.)

  P.S
  Sorry about the bad writing hehehe
  herba mate always ehheheh

• MarqueB
  September 18th, 2007
  1:53 pm
  

  I have been experimenting with this concept for a month or so. I was having a streak of bad days at work. When my wife would call I would tell her about my “terrible day” and just feel worse. Once I realized this I changed my speech. When she called I told her I was having a great day. Then I had a great day. She later told me that when I started speaking positively she started having great days too.

  BTW, the answer to both questions is…Strippers

• Scott
  September 18th, 2007
  2:11 pm
  

  I know I could benefit from some sort of awareness training that would help me realize just how often I make excuses for myself. There is overlap here with the “stop complaining� exercise, but excuse-making doesn’t always involve negative word choices. “I can’t do X because I have to deal with Y.� That’s not complaining, but it is a small assertion my own powerlessness. Note the problem here is with words expressing not so much negativity as inevitability: “can’t� and “have to�.

  Of course outcome X may in fact be impossible due to reality Y—-best then to realize it and not beat your head against the wall. But how often is this kind of statement really true? Are we really incapable of taking appropriate action or solving a problem—-or are we just taking a pass, assigning blame externally for our own lack of initiative?

  The 4HWW philosophy is that there are no fixed, external constraints preventing you from living the life you want to live. For me at least, part of the process is breaking down the ego-buffering reflex that “explains� inaction and negative outcomes based on circumstances external to myself.

  I like the idea of training for this on the small scale of daily speech and actions. The no-complaint bracelet is good; I want to try using the same device to cut off, or at least question, any “I can’t/couldn’t/didn’t because…� type statements I find myself making. To others or to myself.

• marcie
  September 18th, 2007
  2:21 pm
  

  People need to stop being selfish. It’s amazing when you stop and think, how many things you do in a day that are purely for your own pleasure (not that that’s a bad thing all the time, but it’s a good exercise to stop). And of course complaining ensues when things don’t turn out to be pleasureable :)

  I would come up with a scavenger hunt – give each team a paper grocery bag and a list of things to put in it, assign a point value for each. Examples – a matchbook from The Waldorf, some dog hair, a business card from NYPD (may have to be tailored to include places that are in close proximity.) Set a time limit, instruct them to show up with their own points tallyed to save time. I can come up with more items if you (ever) decide to do it…

• Ben Mac
  September 18th, 2007
  2:33 pm
  

  Close in my book to complaining is instantaneous nay-saying. When an idea is presented and the off the cuff reaction is to start shaking your head no or even better yet prepare a no inside your mouth so that as soon as they stop talking all you have to do is open your mouth and BAM, they just got shot down.

  This is a problem for two reasons-
  1) If you are handling a large project (Our business just expanded from 1000 square feet to 4000) there is no possible way you can come up with all of the ideas to truly make that project great. This does not mean taking every idea, it just means saying no because you thought through it and decided there was a better option.
  2) If you build a “no” atmosphere in a business you stop the flow of ideas. Creative people do not take “no” well and this is because an idea factory is all about comfort factor. For this simply read the elegant solution.

  http://www.changethis.com/29.01.ElegantSolutions

  As for a party with no money, as long as they are Very Important People just get a college kid for every VIP and have the kids ask the people to talk about themselves. Everybody will feel important and the college kids can rack it up to community service for the rich and famous ; )

• Bruce Houghton
  September 18th, 2007
  2:47 pm
  

  Strong post on complaining. Any negative energy is such a needless drain on our already overcrowded lives.

  As for the party…concentrate on an unusual location that you can get cheap/free…under a bridge, in a beautiful church, in a large florist or greenhouse after hours. Need music? Make a mix tape or better yet find a great street musician who you will pay $50-$100 to but can also pass the hat. I could go on and on.

• maria*
  September 18th, 2007
  3:11 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  Interrupting other people in order to bring the conversation back to themselves. I am particluarly sensitive to this one, so I look for it all the time and it’s astonishing how often this happens. So often a response to a thought or a story is a separate thought or story, instead of a legitimate reaction. A good way to train yourself to stop interrupting is, when you begin a conversation, practice asking 3 questions of the person you’re speaking to, and focus on listening and responding. Before you realize it, you will find yourself interested in discussing topics other than…you! People will truly value your company (even more than they do already).

• Ben
  September 18th, 2007
  3:11 pm
  

  Hey Tim,

  My girlfriend bought an apple computer, and like you I said “intuitive my a$$”. So, what I did was take one of the introductory classes on how to use it at the Apple Store with my girlfriend. It helped quite a bit.

  I found this entry hugely helpful and accurate. Accurate from the standpoint of what words I use reflects my beliefs and therefore my experience of life. This is why all my complaints point back to me and my state of mind. The reason they point back to me is if I am seeking a solution then I am changing my relationship to the situation from one of wallowing in a less than ideal situation to one of moving past it, or understanding it better. That can only start at the thought level.

  I work for a large corporation and we are introducing some big change into the company. Depending on the location we are implementing to, we will see different results. Those locations that take on the change even if they make lots of mistakes seeking help\solutions along the way are the most successful. They implement faster, have quicker learning curves, and end up liking the change once they become comfortable with it.

  The locations that go through the training, run into the first set of problems, complain, and give up experience the longest most painful implementation. Not only that it drags on and on.

  So, in the end, it doesn’t matter who makes mistakes or how many they make. What matters is they keep trying to find help and seek solutions.

  I tell each location that I will take any complaint they have as long as they are willing to get specific and participate in the solution. It shocks them at 2 levels. One it shocks them that I am willing to listen to negative feedback, and secondly, it shocks them that we are willing to partner with them in customized ways to help them out of the pain.

  It is amazing to watch how people choose their own destiny and experience of life by following or not following what you point to in this article.

  I am all for complaining, honesty (even radical) because it increases intimacy, AND I will always ask for the solution or positive movement. So, my compliant for the radical honesty movement is that it does o.k. in bringing everything to the surface. I would recommend they spend an equal amount of time focusing on communicating what possible solutions or positive actions as you suggest in this article. That is soooo huge in my opinion. Anyone can dump their thoughts and emotions. The truly special people can see past their own temporary viewpoints and experience to something better.

  Awesome article. I want one of those official purple arm bands please.

  Thanks!
  Ben

• Tom
  September 18th, 2007
  3:44 pm
  

  I’m really glad Will Bowen found time to write a book. He certainly hasn’t found time in the past six months to send me a rubber bracelet.

• TimG
  September 18th, 2007
  3:49 pm
  

  To get off subject.
  I wanted to thank you Tim for the way precede your replies with ## 1 it makes it easy to follow up on your responses using the find function. Maybe you’ve explained this before but I just now figured it out.
  I didn’t add a 3rd pound sign in order to not break it for others.
  Keep up the good work!

• Tim Ferriss
  September 18th, 2007
  4:12 pm
  

  Thanks to all for the great comments and suggestions! A few things:

  -Please be patient with comments getting approved! It can take some time, so don’t assume you’ve been censored, as it’s probably just me or my VAs on an airplane. Big things on the horizon…

  -I am going to continue my move to mac. If they had their top-secret solid-state laptops out already, I’d be 100%. These will be tiny and replace my Sony VAIO. Vista is the devil.

  -The wait-list for the bracelets is real, as some have noted! Waiting 6 months is not uncommon, as they don’t charge for them and get snowed under quickly. Hence the billion-dollar value of my four bracelets I’ll be mailing out ;)

  -You guys rock. The comments to this post alone could be used to completely redesign your most damaging behaviors. Cool. I’ll be rereading these later.

  All the best,

  Tim

• nahili
  September 18th, 2007
  4:50 pm
  

  People should stop envying.
  Envy leads to gossiping, complaining, unproductive nail biting, smoking, bad health…

  As for VIPs: Organize a charity concert for them at the local orphanage.

• Doug Piper
  September 18th, 2007
  5:07 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  It goes hand-in-hand with the negative thinking/complaining — but it is rude, aggressive (and potentially lethal) driving. Commuting here in the Bay Area I get to see all sorts of really bad driving, but the worst is when the driver lets their emotions take over the car! This is one I’m guilty of falling into from time to time, so I understand the challenge. The world would be a better place if we could master this one.

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  Easy — one of the best parties I ever attended was a team-building event where the focus of an entire day was an urban scavenger hunt. Divide the group into teams, give each team a small stipend (for an essential cab ride, snack or whatever). The key is developing a really well-thought-out list of items that intrigues, stimulates and shows the attendees something of the city. In SF or NYC there is no end of fun stuff to work with.

  Budget permitting you end the day with a round of drinks for the entire group.

• Nathan Robertson
  September 18th, 2007
  5:17 pm
  

  I think it would be much more of a life-changing decision if people started thinking for themselves instead of thinking what everyone else thinks.Do what you want to do,and if your friends do not like it, are they really friends? Ask out the cute girl you have had an eye on, if she says no, is there really anything to be embarrased about? will people look down on your for trying? quite the contrary. You want to exercise, but you may feel that you are “too” out of shape or overweight to even start? go for a walk, go to the gym, people will not chastise you for giving an effort.

• Charlie F.
  September 18th, 2007
  5:20 pm
  

  Rushing to get places is the behavior I would end. It creates a great deal of unnecessary stress. If more people would leave earlier, plan better, or (shudder) do less, they would be in a frame of mind to actually enjoy the time spent getting from point A to point B. They will also be in a better mood when they arrive. In the case of driving, not rushing would also decrease levels of road rage and accidents.

  If I had no budget to plan a party, I would make it memorable and fun by hiring tons of porn stars to give live shows in which guests have the option of participating. That would be a fun night that no one would ever forget!

• Charlie F.
  September 18th, 2007
  5:27 pm
  

  Oh Snap!! I thought it meant an unlimited budget. I was wondering what the point of that question was.

  I’ll keep my sex party answer, but instead of porn stars, I’d find exhibitionistic amateurs on craigslist to do the job.

• Anne Brown
  September 18th, 2007
  6:19 pm
  

  As usual, I’ll recommend a book: “PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings” by Rob Brezny. The antidote to complaining is expressing and thinking in positive terms. And making it a habit. And enjoying an delighted, ecstatic frame of mind! Both style and content are beautiful, hilarious, irreverent – great writer! Even his title wins out over “A Complaint-Free World”. He’s positive, not anti-negative!

  I once gave up complaining for Lent, which is the 40 days before Easter (usually people give up coffee or candy or other small indulgences) and it was interesting because I noticed how much less I had to share with people. I got better at making positive conversation, and soon I noticed I didn’t have so much a problem with my own negativity, but with responding to that of others. Some people felt minimized if their venting wasn’t acknowledged, so I had to find ways to acknowledge their SELVES, which is what people really want when they vent. We have very few ways to do this for each other in our culture, which is why we have so many people who are uncomfortable receiving compliments, hence “No problem” instead of “You’re welcome”.

  And, unfortunately, I became less interested in spending time with certain people, and it was sad to part, but not at all difficult. It just wasn’t appealing anymore.

  What I love about Rob Brezny’s book is the insistence on positive language, the creation of florid, vibrant imagery of a stunningly gorgeous, fun, exotic world. The more time I spend in his world, the easier it is that “constructive criticism” becomes interactive brainstorming, “problems and solutions” become stories and sequels. I prefer to think that the person “complaining” is the person is really the person who may best be able to create positive change, if so empowered. Perhaps you’ve heard the psychology technique of asking a complainer, “If you knew how to solve this problem, what would you do”?

  It’s important that this not be reduced to a “technique” for “dealing with whiners”, which leads to the “whiners” feeling dismissed. Better to do this in a spirit of engagement, and a commitment to practicing, for one’s own benefit, a new form of Delightful Dialogue.

  So, the other behavior I think best transformed is choosing one’s environment. There are a lot of posts up there about turning off the TV, and I really agree. I like to choose ANYTHING live, rather than canned, and chances are it will be uplifting. The social currency these days relies a lot upon complaining, and canned entertainment depends upon this to reach its audience. Similarly, choosing to spend time outdoors in beautiful places makes a huge difference in one’s well being.

  As for the VIP event, who are these VIPs? What makes them so “I”? Surely whatever the distinguishing characteristic is should determine the form of the event? Are they VIPs because of their POSITIVE contribution to a particular direction? I suggest you connect with Rob Brezny and put on a Positive Poet Potluck in Golden Gate Park. Celebrate the poets and artists who create more beautiful tools, words, and visions for a positive world.

• John
  September 18th, 2007
  6:44 pm
  

  People should stop worrying about a problem that hasn’t occured. So many people worry about what “might” happen or what they think might happen that it stops them from taking action and enjoying life. I bet 75% of the things they worry will happen never even do.

  John

• Anna Lee
  September 18th, 2007
  6:46 pm
  

  Certain females should stop talking about men/babies/marriage, it drives me mad and it makes me think that their minds are idol and have nothing better to talk about.

  Alternatively you can use the bracelet to train yourself to be more confident, everytime you have a self doubt about yourself such as your appearance you have to start again.

  This method could also be used for people on a diet, everytime you eat junk food you have to start again on the 21 days (a good way to get the addiction out of the system). It could also be used to enforce a positive action, such as 21 days straight of walking to work every day or going for a run.

• Dude
  September 18th, 2007
  7:58 pm
  

  Radical Honesty seems to be the antithesis of the complaint free world thing.

• Sybir
  September 18th, 2007
  7:58 pm
  

  People are trained to defray responsibility at an early age. Oh, I’m overweight because of my genetics. Oh, I’m horrible at math because my parents told me I was just never good at it.

  Step 1: Surround yourself with positive people. This is harder than it sounds.
  Step 2: Make a change. Hell, it can be cutting soda out of your diet. Makes something small and it will snowball.
  Step 3: Pick the next thing to attack.

  The best way to get yourself to stop with the pessimism? Find a few things, that no matter WHAT make you smile. Keep those in mind and use them when you’re getting yourself turned around about a top. Kittens playing, puppies tusseling, a child’s smile, the sunset, the sunrise, the ocean waves crashing against the shore…find your triggers and then use them.

  VIP Party with no budget….nice. Champagne and moonlight. Bring your own bottle and glass to share. Shoes not required. ABC license might be $25 out of pocket ;)

• Brendon
  September 18th, 2007
  8:24 pm
  

  Would this not-complaining thing work for women?

  They seem to derive pleasure out of the process of complaining, of talking about problems, and feel refreshed afterward.

• johnjfox
  September 18th, 2007
  8:26 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  for lack of a better word, laziness. Every time you get a chance to be active but pass it up, move the bracelet to the other wrist. For example, if you take the elevator when you could take the stairs, change the bracelet. If you drive when you could walk, change the bracelet, etc…..

• MZ
  September 18th, 2007
  8:51 pm
  

  What a great post. Your post reminded me how we tend to forget how our words affect those around us and should not be treated lightly. I always wondered why people complained. If you are not going to do something about it, what’s the point of venting and carrying negative energy around you? And why not leave the commiserating to things that are really devastating, such as death in the family, heartbreaking divorce, and serious illness?

  As for bad behavior… I’d pick, not saying thank-you. To the waiter who brought you water, to the stranger who opened the door for you, to the co-worker who picked up your printouts. We tend to feel that we are so entitled to all the privileges and don’t appreciate the kindness of others. How about, if you forget to say thank-you, put a quarter in a piggy bank, and at the end, donate the money to charity?

• Craig D
  September 18th, 2007
  9:45 pm
  

  Bracelet switch trigger:

  Each time I imagine a failed outcome of an idea that pops into my head, SWITCH THE BRACELET.

  Example:

  Creative, Proactive Self: “Hey, Craig, call up VIP Bob and arrange lunch. He very likely needs the services you can provide him.”

  Self-doubting, Nay-sayer Self: “That’s stupid. Bob is busy and he probably already has things well in hand. He likes the other firm more anyway. And that firm is better than you to boot…”

  Some days, I swear I’d be juggling that Bracelet!

  BONUS: Free entertainment for VIP’S: Arrange them in standing circles of 10, all with a stack of their business cards. Each person takes a turn presenting a current challenge they are facing in their company, career, etc… Since the other nine are well networked, resourceful types, they are always going to have a solution or a lead to another person who can directly help. People with an solution write it on the back of their business card and pass to the person with who raised the challenge.

  With even just 30 minutes of this group exercise, there will be thousands of touch points generated in the group you describe.

  Craig

• Scott B.
  September 18th, 2007
  10:30 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could they train themselves to stop?

  Stop living life by the rules and social norms that are in place. Just because everyone puts on their pants one leg at a time, do not take that as the ONLY way to achieve dressing yourself. One should try to come up with a better way, or at least another way of doing common tasks in their daily lives. I strive to invent or simplify one task per day, and come up with a new idea or invention at least once per week. Most ideas do not take place of the standard way of completing the task, and to date I have no inventions on the market. However, playing the numbers game and constantly forcing your mind to look at different perspectives, it is only a matter of time until you revolutionize your own life. If you wear a watch, place it on the opposite wrist that you are acustomed to wearing it on until you have met your quota for the day. If you are against a watch, which I very much am, try wearing something subtle that is uncomfortable to you until the action has been met. I wear my underwear backwards (very uncomfortable) until I have come up with a new way to accomplish something, or a new idea or product. There is always an easier way to do something, and even if it doesn’t replace the best way, it sure is fun trying. Everyone does but their pants on one leg at a time, but not everybody puts them on backwards!

  If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  I would first reserve a booking at a bowling alley or putt putt facility (any place with cheap food and games that guest can afford themselves) give everyone a name tag and offer a $1,000 to whomever leaves last.

• Trigs
  September 18th, 2007
  10:49 pm
  

  Tim, great book & blog. Always entertaining and thought provoking.

  Things to stop/reduce – multitasking & screen time (computer, tv, ipod, cell phone, gameboy, pda, portable gps, car in dash nav system, portable dvd player and atari!!

  As for a VIP party in SF, I’d recommend bowling at Presidio Bowling followed by beach party (summer has finally arrived in san francisco) at Crissy Fields in Presidio (you can reserve the space near the warming hut for free). great views of GGate, City and bay. Maybe a scavenger hunt around the theme of the event.

• Sgtray
  September 18th, 2007
  10:51 pm
  

  To entertain on the cheap, have people learn a skill. Do the limbo, the tinikling (A Filipino dance where people dance between two sticks), the hula hoop, 3 ball juggling, a simple magic trick, hamboning (an old ghetto trick, slapping thighs and chest in time to music), fire-eating or walking, shadow puppets, chapeaugraphy, etc.

  After a 30 minute learning phase, each person (or a representative of the group) performs as part of the evening show.

• Sara Stepenson - Donley
  September 18th, 2007
  11:01 pm
  

  The number one thing to avoid are negative talk/thoughts of all kinds (that aren’t formatted constructively of course). I like the wristband idea. Rubberband would be good too cause you can always snap it on someone else who is spewing negativity in your general vicinity.
  Another big one:
  Avoiding a “mountain” because you are too lazy to take the simple steps to get there. (Adopt better eating and exercise habits = better health and fitness.) Its a one day, one step at a time thing that you have to do consistently.
  Solution: Break down the steps. Decide what you need to do consistently to get where you want to go. Or, maybe your goal is a series of smaller steps which build on each other rather than repeat. Figure them out, and then put them in writing, in order. You could even make a chart, with a stairway on it, and your goal at the top. Or, a big thermometer like they use for fundraisers. Fill in each step as it’s accomplished. This way you can visibly track your progress.

  As for a memorable event on a low budget, I would have to say the best thing you could do was bring together the most memorable people you know, so they can all meet each other. Other than that… think entirely outside the box. Your good at doing that :)

• Sara Stepenson - Donley
  September 18th, 2007
  11:07 pm
  

  Put on a big ugly braclet right before bed, and in the morning you cant take it off until you complete _(insert goal here)_. Could be your morning workout, your number one action item of the day, telling someone you appreciate them, etc. The more you dread the task, and the more you hate the bracelet the better. Reward yourself by putting on something you like in its place to remind you that you have accomplished something :)

• Sara Stepenson - Donley
  September 18th, 2007
  11:32 pm
  

  Another idea for the VIP party….

  I like the random name tag idea…you could build on that by having everyone reinvent themselves as people who are living the four hour work week lifestyle (if they arent already). Give them a little brainstoming worksheet to figure out where they would travel, what languages they would learn, what they would do on their mini retirements. Let them take their dreams for a test drive… see how they fit.

• Jef
  September 19th, 2007
  1:18 am
  

  Another application for the “bracelet conditioning”:

  Change wrist every time you imagine a new dream/ambition and reject it before :

  1- checking how desirable it really is and how it fits your big picture
  2- defining a first action towards it if 1- is passed.

  Goal: removing the “I can’t” mindset.

• gmlk
  September 19th, 2007
  1:48 am
  

  Intuitive to most people means “what I am already used to”.

  People who are used to Windows discover at first that the mac is definitely not windows. Which may seem obvious but can be very frustrating. It takes time to unlearn the expectations and to embrace the differences.

  In time you will grow in to it, you’ll suddenly notice how weird windows is at times. By learning more then one way to do things you’ll gain a more general understanding of how computers work. Which is a good thing because then you’ll learn new interfaces a lot faster.

• Gabriella Kortsch
  September 19th, 2007
  2:07 am
  

  Great post!

  Judging others is one of those activities we indulge in frequently, even if it just has to do with their looks or their buying power, but also with their intellect, their dexterity in thinking, their lack of innovation in thought, their beliefs, their manner of speech, and on and on ad nauseam.

  How to implement it? Start by becoming aware of the fact that you’re actually doing it. Next step is to stop it in its tracks as you catch yourself doing it by thinking another great thought that has to do with quantum physics and spiritual thought: we are all intertwined molecules, i.e., we are all one.

• Safi
  September 19th, 2007
  6:45 am
  

  People need to stop deferring their dreams…

  We all have those dreams where we think “When I am ___ I will do this or try this.” If we take small steps everyday towards our dreams it keeps us happier..

  How: Weekly or daily planning sessions where we make sure that the things we do are aligned with our dreams. I like the calendar marking strategy, where you mark each day that you worked towards your dream, until you build a long chain on your calendar.

  100 VIPs in NYC: I would take them on the Subway and hit up all the local cultural hot spots, I doubt they have ever done that :)

• Richard
  September 19th, 2007
  7:57 am
  

  People in Japan should stop sucking their teeth every time I ask them a question.

  By the way, all us commenters are just complaining aren’t we?! People should stop this and stop that. Maybe we should stop commenting. Didn’t you have to do a bit too much negative thinking to come up with a good answer? I did. :(

  I didn’t really mean what I said about the people in Japan by the way. They can suck their teeth all day long.

  From now on, every time I post a complaining comment on a blog, I’ll slap my wrist.

  Ouch!

• DT
  September 19th, 2007
  8:30 am
  

  I really LOL on your mac experience.

  I have always said, that Macs are so damn simple that its difficult to use.

  I am beginning to suspect that easy to use is now a myth. Or perhaps people forgot that Windows OS has gotten a lot better?

• Joe Chapuis
  September 19th, 2007
  9:55 am
  

  Don’t focus on eliminating complaints.

  Instead, try to figure out what’s causing them.

  A complaint is nothing more than verbalizing (mentally, or out loud) some kind of frustration or disappointment with a situation, and is the result of a gap between anticipated reality (a hoped-for expectation) and reality.

  This experienced frustration is an internalized tension that attempted to resolve itself via complaining (“Tension seeks resolution” – see The Path of Least Resistance by Robert Fritz).

  Most complaining seems to involve things that other people did or didn’t do. Since we usually can’t control what others do, we’re frustrated when they don’t do what we want:

  “I went into the post office and had to stand behind this rude guy for 30 minutes. It was a waste of time. From now on, I’ll go in the mornings before 10am to avoid the crowd.â€?

  You were not expecting him to be in the post office, and you were frustrated that your time was “wasted.” But, the fact is, even if you went there at 10am and he was the only other person in the place, you’d still be complaining because you wouldn’t have expected him (in fact, you’d probably be complaining even more).

  Although it’s a good start, we can do better than simply going 21 days without complaining. Instead of focusing on eliminating complaining, it may be better to ask ourselves what’s *really* causing us to feel frustrated, angry, disappointed. That’s where real progress and self-improvement will be made…

  “Hmmm… why am I so pissed about being late to mail letter right now?”

  or…

  “Why did I just call John a muppet? What’s that all about?”

  This introspection should eventually lead to more realistic expectations of others and life events, resulting in less internal tension, disappointment and frustration.

  Change what you can, and let go of what you can’t – and you’ll never complain again.

  No bracelet necessary. ; )

  ————————————————-

  Q: What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop?

  Blaming others

  Q: How could train themselves to stop?

  Blaming makes us feel better, and absolves us from having to take responsibility for ourselves and our lives. Any time you catch yourself blaming someone else for your misery, stop and ask, “Why am I really blaming x?” (I have my theory on this one, but I’ve already babbled enough here…)

  Q: Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  Anything that kids love – think: Squirt guns, water balloons, shaving cream, whoopie cushions, finger painting, laser tag, sword fighting (a buck-a-piece for the soft, bendy ones at the dollar store), etc. Anything that lets grown-ups blow off steam while not having to feel like a grown-up.

  We’re all kids at heart. It’s just that most of us have forgotten it…

  ————————————————-

  BTW: I’m also in the process of switching to a Mac after 13 years on a PC. You may want to try running WinXP using Parallels software to make the transition a bit easier.

  BTW2: Enjoyed the book, Tim. Good luck on your trip.

  My best,
  -joe chapuis

• Natalie
  September 19th, 2007
  10:51 am
  

  I woke and thought, pear tree. It could have been, “f’ing sleepless,” or “is the spider crawling towards my eyeball a good spider or a baddy?” But having been on a thought mission for the last six months or so, I have simply outgrown my whining self. Easy to do as I believe whining gives you a double chin, and who has a crush on a whiner? Having the tree on the brain, I rolled into my boots and out the door. With the tree in shadow and fruit still covered in a not yet frost dew, I reached out a thumbnail to test that lovely beauty within range, but the motion of reaching shot my feet out from under me and I skidded down the mud hill on my knees all the way to the bottom, under the fence, where I landed on a cow bone, and its huge teeth. I jumped away, then went back, enchanted – the teeth were so long and still had stuff in them. So I picked it up and stuck it in my belt, feeling very much like a princess warrior, grabbed my pear and wandered into the house, trying to think who I could scare with my new bone. What I think is that for every squid of attention we donate to the What Sure Don’t Work Thinktank, we are short a squid of thought to donate to the how do I play deeply with the world I love? How can I make space for more transformative experiences? And while I believe that sarcasm, critsicm, gossip and the like do bring a certain pleasure to the players involved – it’s a more tattered, less vibrant shared joy than I think we’re capable of. And a party? Use the space to collaboratively expand our ideas about play (if story in book about sin-city fellas blowing cash to feel alive is at the opposite end of the continuum, what’s at the other end?) I would invite a hand ful of play ful MoFo’s to create some kind of endeavor. Challenge is intoxicating. I’d find a play forum to issue challenges to each other. Kind of like the questions posed here, n’est pas? Only full bodied answers.

• Jen the Mom
  September 19th, 2007
  1:32 pm
  

  I spent more time thinking about the bonus question because I found it so exciting, a great challenge. There are some variables that would need to be worked out though like where the VIP are from. Are they local NYC or SF-ers? Are they from over seas? Why are they meeting all together that is common between all of them? Is it just that they happen to know a guy named Tim? If they really are VIP’s they might be getting tired of the same over decorated lobster adn steak dinners that they’re invited to eevry weekend.

  I think a good idea would be to hold the party someplace that’s unusual and inexpensive. I went to a party once at the Vancouver Aquarium. They rented a section of the aquarium that was seperate so by closing teh doors it created a provate function where we could party while surrounded by exotic fish.

  Here in Calgary there’s a botanical garden located on the top floor of a downtown mall. It’s absolutely gorgeous and for a very reasonable price you could rent the place leaving a Garden of Eden to party in. I’m sure the Tim Ferris entourage includes some guy that can DJ. If you don’t know anyone I could loan you a couple of my friends that DJ. I’m a big fan or bartering so if you don’t know someone that has the talents that you need just find out what you could offer them that would entice them to do it on trade.

  Now on to food. My limited experience tells me that ingenuity and creativity are more important than a caterer. It’s easy to conjure up a menu complete with caviar and champagne but when you use simple foods it’s memorable and fun and that creates something for people to talk about which is the whole point of a VIP party after all, right?

  I love parties so thanks for the time down that thought trail.

  There’s one behavior I have a very hard time being around and that’s noisy eating. It makes my skin crawl in a bad way.

• Marty B
  September 19th, 2007
  1:40 pm
  

  First Question: Smile :) simply smile at people, the reminder is 20 singles you put in one pocket, and every time you get someone to smile you place a dollar in the other pocket. Remove the all the money from the smile pocket and start over when you pass on a bad day to someone through a negative comment or mean glance. The day’s total should be placed in a travel or funny money account that rewards your spreading of smiles. It’s a good way to save on a reward basis.

  I think this will create more positivity in one’s day, and will give random people the chance to have a good day.

  bonus: The event would be a volunteer day. No money, just man/woman power to get a project done. The VIP’s will be signed up in advance to pick their activity. It would take place at a park, and would involve playing sports and crafts with a local childrens club. The press will draw the VIP’s and the kids will benefit from the helping hands. The boys/girls club would have all the equipment or the VIP’s could bring some. The kids will put on a performance at the end for their graditude. Donations will taken for food, drink, and everything else.

• Michael T Wakeman
  September 19th, 2007
  3:02 pm
  

  People should stop asking questions that make us focus on things we don’t like. Instead of asking us to define traits we don’t like in other people, wich is pretty much the definition of complaining, lets have a dialog about what we love in humanity. I think people should focus more on children.

  An unforgettable party? Have everyone bring their used Christmas trees to central park for a big bon fire.

• Veranda Mealypaw
  September 19th, 2007
  3:09 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could they train themselves to stop?

  I believe we should endeavor to stop using little white lies such as “I’m only five minutes away” or “I tried to call you: I don’t know why you didn’t get the message.” These small inaccuracies may seem to be useful in smoothing over a situation, but really they just drive a little wedge between people. What it comes down to is this: WE know we lied. THEY may SUSPECT we lied. Heck, they might KNOW we lied! Any of these perceptions can easily lead to a nebulous sense of mistrust among one another. Also, it’s just a time-waster and energy waster to keep track of little white lies. It’s as exhausting as living two lives simultaneously!

  When we screw up in a minor way, such as being late or forgetting to return a phone call, a sincere and succinct apology for our thoughtlessness will go a long way to not only developing and maintaining good relationships but keeping our brains available for more important things.

  So—how can a person reduce the number of little white lies? Do what my husband and I did: Admit them a soon as they pass your lips, apologize, and then PAY for them. We settled on $100 per white lie, because it was an amount of money that we would be loath to lose over something so trivial, yet it was still feasible to carry such a sum at all times, ready to surrender. We paid the cash to the person we had disrespected with our white lie. It worked. We spent some cash, but gained alot of ‘brain-space’ and a real sense of personal responsibility.

  BONUS: 100 VIPS/San Francisco/$1,000
  Go for a new-vaudeville/20s’30’s Hollywood theme: Try booking the Bilgewater Brothers or Janet Klein and her Parlor Boys. (Try to barter these.) Invite classic car buffs to show off their 1920’s and 30’s Packards and Rolls Royces. (Remember to ask Jay Leno) Throw in a few smartly clad ‘cigarette girls’ with trays of sweets (Cracker Jack currently has a ‘retro’ label and other retro sweets are available in online stores). Play a soundtrack of 20’s and 30’s music. Teach everyone to Charleston! (And be sure to invite me along for the ride. I’m a hell of a hostess.)

• Molly
  September 19th, 2007
  3:58 pm
  

  During brainstorming sessions or any time, really, people should stop prefacing ideas with self-conscious, self-depricating language. For example, “I’m probably wrong, but . . .” or “I don’t know if anyone agrees with me, but I think . . .” These words alienate the listener, create doubt in the speaker, and discredit what could be a new or innovative idea.

  Better language would be, “Here’s an idea . . .” or as simple as, “I think . . .”

  How to change it? For every idea you preface with a self-conscious statement, you must come up with and confidently introduce two more ideas.

• Jen
  September 19th, 2007
  4:09 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  Saying “sorry” for everything from swearing in front of Grandma to creating a brief cha-cha traffic jam at the elevator entrance. Or in the case of low self-esteem, “I’m sorry but this steak is well-done and I ordered it rare…” and “I’m sorry but I need to ask you some questions about this job brief you didn’t completely fill out.”

  1) Get some sorry-pals. Key people who can alert you to your sorry slips by pointing it out with a hand gesture or code word.

  2) Attempt to build self-worth by simple affirmations when you hear yourself do it or a sorry-pal points it out. For example, “I am worthy.”

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  Two words: Photo Booth.
  (quick google search did show options below $1,000)

• Drasko
  September 19th, 2007
  5:03 pm
  

  What behavior to stop?

  Our behaviors determine what it is we habituate to. Habituation over time, across the various aspects of our behavior leads to the umbrella term of comfort zone. Just observe your behavior from day to day: When you drive to a familiar place (work, mall, school etc.) do you usually park in one particular area? Do you always take the same route to get to your destination? Do you always have the same interaction with shopping clerks, servers, service people or whoever? When extended to the social realm I’ve found you tend to involve yourself in the same types of interactions and anything novel seems uncomfortable. Why? Because it’s out of your comfort zone.

  So how do you consciously get out of your comfort zone? Usually I talk myself into pushing through that comfort zone barrier. Say you wish to talk to an attractive lady, or do something like Tim suggests in the book such as laying down in a public place. These are the questions I ask myself: What’s the worst that can happen? (I take that and half it cause we always inflate our worst case scenarios); Is the result worth the effort (Sure you might get rejected by that lady but the accomplishment of just talking outweighs the potential regret at missed opportunities). With the answers to these questions it’s a lot more realistic to get over that barrier. To finalize I just stop myself from over rationalization by counting down from 3 to 1 and then going for it. The best way to learn to swim is to jump into the deep end!

• Amanda
  September 19th, 2007
  5:31 pm
  

  The Party! I would tell people to bring their own video/camera phones and record themselves adn others at the party. That way we can make a video of the entire party from different aspects and points of view and make a party video page (youtube or veoh)and that would be the souvenir. The whole world would have a souvenir of us partying!

• Kate
  September 19th, 2007
  6:00 pm
  

  I don’t have an entry to the contest for you, but I want to say that I love how you’ve interpreted this! I’ve heard of the idea of wearing a bracelet to avoid complaining before, but the idea of having to include a solution has to be life changing. I’m slipping a rubber band on my wrist right now.

• Sierra
  September 19th, 2007
  7:04 pm
  

  Behavior to Stop: comparing yourself to others

  Correct the behavior by placing a sticker on the bathroom mirror, car rearview mirror and cell phone. Every time you see the sticker repeat these affirmations:

  I refrain from comparing myself to others
  I like myself
  I accept myself
  I accept others
  I am a worthy person
  I fit in
  I have a place in this world
  I am capapble of great things

  Bonus Question – VIP Party: Have a dodgeball tournament.

• Wes
  September 19th, 2007
  7:34 pm
  

  1. Sentences that start ” I wish I could X” or “I wish they would X” and are not followed by a constructive action that could change the situation.

  2. Making an excuse why something can’t be done and not offering an alternative solution.

  It is depressing when someone talks about their dreams and then follows up with an excuse why their dream can never happen.

• Entry, the First | Joe Stanley
  September 19th, 2007
  8:22 pm
  

  [...] was reading Tim Ferriss’ blog today when I saw an excellent entry about how easily one’s language and choice of vocabulary [...]

• Carolena
  September 19th, 2007
  11:56 pm
  

  Tim:
  Outstanding!

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop?

  STOP NEGATIVE “mind-reading� (a form of rapid cognition) ie, making negative judgments and impressions of people we encounter on a day-to-day basis which result in misunderstandings, hurt feelings and arguments. Whether the interaction is with our parents, siblings, spouse, children, co-worker, boss, roommate, drivers, etc.…when conflict, discourse or strife arise, rather than jumping to a negative conclusion, consider the alternatives and become the catalyst for positive social interactions.

  I am a firm believer in our power to “mind-read� (i.e., interpret another person’s intended message) even when they don’t use words to communicate those thoughts. Interpretation of facial expressions and body language as much as the words used are at the heart of human expression and at the heart of connection to one another. It seems however, that when we are not able to reach a “meeting of the minds,� conflict arises. My challenge is to stop the stream of predictions and inferences about what the OTHER person is thinking or feeling when at times we receive an unexpected response that results in a breakdown of connection.

  How to train ourselves to stop “mind reading� other people when you receive an unexpected or unpleasant response?
  Stop mind-reading and take the bold step to interact with the communicator in a manner that fosters authentic and deep human interaction. Ask the person what they meant. Of course, the depth and intimacy of each discussion will vary with the role that individual has in your life (obviously, the discussion you have with your boss will most likely not be near as intimate as the one you have with your lover or spouse).

  I have found that being vulnerable and authentic in our requests for thoughts and feelings of others opens opportunities for dialogue, resolution of conflict and greater probability of deeper connections that may have been limited or non-existent with that individual. And it is my belief that it is this type of interaction that makes personal growth truly possible. The challenge is to have 5 of these conversations in a 30 day period. At the end of the 30 days look to see what effect the discussion had on your personal growth, the relationship with the individual and any additional or collateral positive results in your circle of life or in the community that surrounds you.

  Bonus:
  In SF hold the event at the zoo (weather permitting). Use 100 underprivileged or at-risk high school students (hand-picked by their teachers) as volunteers to valet (the fancy cars the VIPs arrive in), greet and escort the VIPs to their assigned “mingleâ€? area where the VIPs will be able to mingle with other VIPs as well as the students. Request that each VIP donate an item of “personalâ€? value that is not tied to the reason the person is a VIP – for example, a pro-athlete can donate an original painting he/she created, a financial guru can donate an original recording of a song he wrote, etc…but every VIP must bring something to be raffled off and the only candidates for receipt are the 100 students. Presentment of the donated will be followed by a brief history of the article they are donating, why it is meaningful to the VIP and what they would like the student to remember of the article. One year after the event, poll the students and ask them how, or if, the event affected their life and have the students write each VIP with his/her answer.

• Tarah
  September 20th, 2007
  12:07 am
  

  I think fear keeps a lot of people from being able to live their lives. This is a behavior that likely increases one’s desire to complain. They are unhappy with their present state and being fearful (change, action, confrontation, etc.) causes them to lash out or complain about things without taking action. Just a hypothesis. To counter this if something causes fear the opposite would be appreciation/love. Making a list of everything that one appreciates about whatever it is that is causing them fear. Or do as Tim suggests with little steps like asking for someone’s number, or a raise from the boss, etc.

• Michael Edelen
  September 20th, 2007
  7:08 am
  

  Even though it might give a couple of people a laugh, I would have to say Self-Deprecating comments or humor need to go.
  While they themselves may be the one actually making the comment or joke the result is still the same, people laughing at you. The lower brain (cerebellum) will still chalk it up to simply being laughed at, or worse feeling like a clown, simply there for others amusement, regardless of the why of it.

  Your cerebellum is a power-house affecting how you feel all the time, even though you may not be aware why. You might know a little about it Tim, it is after all were muscle memory is stored also.

  So I say, if you make a comment or joke at your own expense, you then have to make a public comment about some quality that you like about yourself. Better if it is in front of strangers.

  First, when you a say something positive about yourself in public instead of your internal dialog, you will find yourself in the good place of thinking about your positive qualities. Also, your mind is hard-wired to seek pleasure and avoid discomfort. Some people may find the idea of the next time they have to pay for gas and then turning to the line behind them and saying “I Rock!” slightly discomforting, thus making them want to avoid being self-deprecating.

  There are several positives to your phyisce that come along with public claims of your goodness and the only downfall I can think of is some strangers might think your a little cocky. As an added bonus, it may even help out with your “Getting Comfortable in Public” exercises.

  BONUS:

  As for your party ideas I would defiantly have to go with a “Fear Setting” theme. To get in you would have to do it in an way that would have you doing something a little adventurous.

  Maybe not zip-lining in form the neighbors roof or anything, but something at the door or upon entrance they had to do to get in. Of course they could opt-out, but where is the fun in that? Besides, it would kill the whole uncomfortable first walking into a party feeling and replace it with a feeling of excitement. As for people who may just be feeling a little unenthusiastic or jet lagged, or whatever, it will get their blood flowing along with guaranteeing that everyone there had at the very least one thing to talk about and will probably be talking about the next day too. Besides October is right around the corner and it tis the season…..

  One last note on the idea of controlling your thoughts etc.

  I need to recommend “The Athlete’s Way” by Christopher Bergland. It may not show in the title, but this book is great for information linking brain functions and synaptic pathway forming habits etc. Highly recommended.

  I also took your advice Tim and contacted the author with some praise and advice and he seemed like a great guy.

• Sven
  September 20th, 2007
  11:45 am
  

  I practiced variations of this a lot. I have found that literally hurting the body works best for conditioning.

  It’s been said in the comments above: “[...] they suggest you ’snap’ the band against your wrist rather than swap it from arm to arm.” and then: “Associate enough pain with a behavior, and just like a rat, you will find an alternative.”

  Actually I’ve found that using a razor blade works even more effectively. E.g. just slightly cut the uppermost layer of your arm’s skin. Somehow your body or reptile parts of your brain seem to revolt when you even think about doing this (you can proably observe this effect while reading my recommendation here ;). Do this just a couple of times and your body starts to support you in thinking more consciously.

  This technique probably isn’t for everybody. But for me it always worked very well :)

  Oh and … in “Man, I went into the post office and had to stand behind this rude guy for 30 minutes. It was a waste of time. From now on, I’ll go in the mornings before 10am to avoid the crowd.” to me this would not count as a complaint only if you omit the “rude”, too! For the constructive conclusion (being there earlier in the future) it doesn’t matter at all if that guy has been rude or not. Which really would mean that you re-allow focussing yourself on a negative construct.

• Mike
  September 20th, 2007
  12:36 pm
  

  The behavior I think most people should stop? Thinking only about themselves. It’s ok to think about yourself, but you should think about *everyone*, including yourself. nowadays, many people will do whatever’s in their power to make sure they are on top, without a care for those they step on. To fix this, the rubber bracelet concept much like this no-complaint idea could work.

• John
  September 20th, 2007
  1:42 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  Screaming. I’m pleased to see that no other commenter seems to have a screamer to deal with. It is the most awful, debilitating thing. If you’re being screamed at, there is no possibility for communicating, no matter how much a good talk is really needed. How to stop this behavior? The person doing it has to want to stop. How to make them want to stop? I truly wish I knew. Great post Tim!

• Laura
  September 20th, 2007
  3:46 pm
  

  Behavior: Assuming the correct answer when you aren’t sure for projects and/or a request from someone. It will only take 2 minutes to clarify, but it will cost the time it takes to do something as well as the time it takes to redo something based on a false assumption.

  Solution: When there is doubt, to go back and ask again. Catching yourself when the thought “I think this is what s/he said” occurs. 2-part bracelet. Keep a running total on a bracelet in minutes of time wasted due to assuming for a 2 week period as well as number of times. Then the second part of the bracelet starts for the next 4 weeks where every time catch yourself assuming and correct it, you add the average time you saved (wasted minutes over assumption times of the first 2 weeks).

  Bonus ($1000): A star-party on a night with meteor showers. Rent a few telescopes ($60 apiece, 5 for $300). In SF, find a park/field away from city lights. Have some refreshments and sparklers to wave around ($250 for food, 15 boxes of sparklers (10 in each) for $50 or less, total $300). Have a blast pointing out constellations and watching the shower.
  Total: $600

• Chris
  September 20th, 2007
  3:49 pm
  

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  ANSWER: Hold the event at a local cooking school. Let the students cook all of the appetizers/main dishes. Pay the school a small amount for the food costs and perhaps space rental. Be sure that the students have pre-printed recipies for everything the VIPs are eating, in exchange for….

  The VIPs allow themselves to be interviewed by the students for Life Tips, Entrepreneurial Tips, Starting a Business, Networking, Exciting Stories, autographs, etc. etc. etc. I would have killed to rub shoulders with some real VIPs when starting my business….

• Jaseem
  September 20th, 2007
  7:42 pm
  

  You have done this with your blog in six months? I can’t believe and I haven’t heard any trick that work this much. What is the secret?

• Complain or Make Money. You can’t do both. « Fortune: Once Daily
  September 20th, 2007
  9:05 pm
  

  [...] Blog of Tim Ferris and the 4 Hour Work Week [...]

• Chuck Charlton
  September 20th, 2007
  10:21 pm
  

  Hey Tim,

  Haven’t read all the posts, so I hope I’m not repeating anything.

  I think we should eliminate promises.

  Every time we make a promise that we can’t keep, we lose integrity. And even if we keep the promise, we’ve only met the expectation.

  You can always exceed expectations if nothing is promised.

  And life becomes a lot less stressful when you aren’t constantly striving to keep your promises.

  And… I would have a gigantic game of Twister at the party!

  Chuck

  P.S. We have a mutual friend, Dean Jackson.

• Brenda
  September 21st, 2007
  1:50 am
  

  Laura,

  I loved your idea about a star party. Just a comment, though, that the LAST thing any astronomer (or amateur) needs is sparkler to destroy his night vision. At real star parties, all lights must be covered with red, as that is the least disruptive to the eyes. If you must have sparklers, at least don’t get them out till everyone is completely done looking at the night sky.

• Lisa Sidney
  September 21st, 2007
  11:10 am
  

  One thing I would like people to stop doing is taking phone calls when they are with someone. There are emergencies, but come on. When you are eating dinner with someone, and they answer their phone and start having a conversation, that is pure rudeness. This is not limited to dinner but also family functions, walks in the park, or any other time you have committed to spend an afternoon with a friend.

  For the dinner party, I would do one of those events where 1 person gets fed an elaborate American dinner, the majority receive only rice and water and some get nothing at all to illustrate how skewed the world is and how truly lucky we are to live in “the land of plenty”. I have participated in dinners like this and they are eye-opening.

• 100th Post :: The No-Complaint Project (And a Contest!) : Win a spot in the next Business People Love workshop! » MonkAtWork.com
  September 21st, 2007
  11:25 am
  

  [...] like a Tim Ferriss groupie, I read a post of his recently that struck a chord. He was talking about eliminating negativity and complaints from our language and lives, and the power of using simple tools to increase our mindfulness of our [...]

• ILO
  September 22nd, 2007
  7:48 am
  

  Forget spending any serious money. If your guests are local. Go to a restaurant or hotel, tell them you are bringing in 100 future customers for them and you want THEM to underwrite the cost of a wine tasting and light food. (Go to the Ritz Carlton and ask them who their wine expert is and ask them to attend- or go to the nearest wine distributor and ask them to get involved.) Any business owner in their right mind will partner up with you…. after all they are spending money on advertising (that may or may not work) to bring people in the door. If you are able to do that for them, he should be happy to work something out with you. Speak with restaurants you already do business with, after that look for ones that are currently advertising, (shows a desire to invest money to bring in business) and go speak with him. I have done this and it will workout for everyone. However, don’t say you will bring people in and fail to do so…. you must do your part! If the guest are from out of town, you may need to lay out some of your own dollars, but ask for a heavy discount because you may do this again if its successful.

• Mój styl życia… » By być pozytywnym
  September 22nd, 2007
  12:28 pm
  

  [...] za postem Tima Ferrisa, postanowiłem podjąć się mentalnego eksperymentu. Pozytywne [...]

• the scrunchie challenge: change a habit! » change therapy - isabella mori
  September 22nd, 2007
  12:39 pm
  

  [...] but i still think it’s a great idea. in the article, adam talks about how he’s been inspired by tim ferriss of the four-hour work week to wean himself off complaining. you wear a wristband (i’m using a LiveStrong wristband i found), [...]

• Jim
  September 22nd, 2007
  1:45 pm
  

  In order to resize a photo on a Mac email the file to an email account you can access from a PC and use Picasa from Google (http://picasa.google.com)

  :)

• » Blog Archive » The Effects of Complaining
  September 22nd, 2007
  3:07 pm
  

  [...] then Timothy Ferriss just posted this about a 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment. I had to wonder if the universe was trying to tell me something? All of us something… I know [...]

• Hermann Klinke
  September 23rd, 2007
  7:46 am
  

  Lying and bullsh*tting. Try Radical Honesty for certain times of days with people that are close to you (to prevent being killed on the first attempt). Expand the times to days or weeks if you see the positive effects. You could also create bracelet that says “anhonestworld.org” and switch everytime you lie to somebody or bullsh*t somebody.

• Rodney
  September 23rd, 2007
  5:46 pm
  

  Sorry you could not figure out how to re-size photo’s on your Mac. If you use the Panther operating system, use iPhoto. Simply select the photo you want to send, click on the Email icon at the bottom of the window, and choose your photo size. When you click the “Compose” button, a new email window will open with the smaller copy of your image already inserted.

  If you use the Tiger operating system, this feature is built directly into the Mail program that comes bundled with it.

  I’ve just completed a post on why so many businesses are switching to the Mac platform it can be found here http://www.askbigpapa.com/blogs/16/Dump-your-PC-for-a-Mac-and-quadruple-your-productivity.html

  There is also a post listing some great business resources for Mac users at http://www.askbigpapa.com/blogs/15/Mac-Computers-In-Business.html.

• nyclawgurl
  September 23rd, 2007
  9:06 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could they train themselves to stop?

  I believe that people should stop making excuses. For each time one makes an excuse, they should write two-three solutions or suggestions. This would teach either 1)stop making excuses or 2)if they use their minds, they can find a positive solution.

  I have used this personally. I do not accept NO as an answer….ever. If I make a mistake, I own up to it. It has done wonders for me personally and professionally.

  As to the bonus question, VIPs are human too. Therefore, I would suggest a theme based pot luck gathering, ie football teams, 40’s, hippies etc. This makes it fun and keeps costs low by the attendees providing the food or snacks. I know that both NYC and San Fran have beautiful public parks or recreation areas. Most of these areas have grills and restrooms. If you call ahead, these parks would reserve the area that would accomodate a group that large. Good luck.

• Joel Quile
  September 23rd, 2007
  9:55 pm
  

  Timothy,

  What a great post! I haven’t read the book but I just had my secretary order it and I look forward to absorbing it soon. I’m sure the author mentions Philippians 2:14 “Do everything without complaining of arguing…”

  As far as the VIP party challenge, here are my thoughts. I’d choose the SF option. I was born an raised in Redwood City and lived there until August 2003. I have a great friend who just happens to be a millionaire so I’d ask him and his wife to host the party. They really have the gift of hospitality and I’m sure they’d come through. If using a rich friend wasn’t an option, I’d do a wine tasting on the Golden Gate. I’d email every Northern California wine maker and have them submit 5 bottles for a premiere contest/event. If wine on the Golden Gate at sunset isn’t your thing, I would try and rent out the Planetarium or other attraction at the California Academy of Sciences and throw some kinda space or science theme deal. Another idea is to host the party coinciding wtih a Giants game where you can watch the game through the gate, send someone in the game with a ticket and get a bunch of Gorden Biersch garlic fries and bring your own beers and just have a blast.

• Patrick
  September 24th, 2007
  1:52 pm
  

  Here is a suggestion I have been doing for at least 12 years. It is a combination of the “no complaint” and the radical honesty stance. Here it is:

  Never complain about someone behind their back unless you tell it to their face.

  Example: My best friend has a little too much PDA with his new girlfriend. A lot of people have been mentioning how uncomfortable it makes them. I agree with them, and then confront him about it. He sees it, but feels this is the girl he will marry, and actually enjoys the comment because it tells him that he has never felt this way about anyone.

  Example: another friend is habitually acting like an a-hole, but people are not confronting him about it. I agree with them, and tell him that I think he is acting like an a-hole. He is defensive about it, acts like slightly less of an a-hole. It may get worse before it gets better, but at least it is on the table.

  Example: a friend states that another friend is cheap. I say nothing in response. Decide later this initial thought is shallow, and probably motivated out of envy.

  This is an ideal, of course. And it usually is only applicable to someone you have an ongoing relationship with. But, it does force me to stay away from mere idle gossip. And if it is real enough for me to agree with, I am forced to confront someone about it. A result is that I get better at confronting people about things. I’ve often found that it is not a problem when I confront someone about it, and it tends to strengthen my relationship with that person. If only because there are no secret thoughts I am holding back from that person. It also gives me a general reputation for not talking negative about people behind their backs.

• The 21 Day No-Complaint Experiment at barely audible
  September 24th, 2007
  10:00 pm
  

  [...] today I read a post on a blog by a guy named Tim Ferriss and I’m taking up what he calls the 21 Day Non-Complaint Experiment. I recommend that you [...]

• Chadney Cooles
  September 25th, 2007
  2:25 am
  

  Tim,

  Love reading the blog.

  I think one of the biggest wastes of time is poeple asking questions or for help when they can take care of it themselves. Just like you said in the book. You let your employees solve the problems instead of bother you. Made them more efficient and saved you time.

  Make a braclet with each side a different color. Set a time limit like the other braclet. Each time your ask a question about something or get help to solve a problem, you flip the braclet over, revealing a diffrent color. The goal is to last till the goal without seeking help.

  In the end the user of the braclet will be more efficient, self relient and will save other people time.

  Have a great trip!!

• Kelley
  September 25th, 2007
  2:26 am
  

  Years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression. I chose not to go on medication, but did see a therapist for 4 years before I decided that all of those negative thoughts I was thinking – I don’t think I can really call that complaining since I was mostly locked in a room by myself day after day, and not speaking to anyone – must be contributing to the way I was feeling. Not having anything else to do, I decided that every time I had a negative thought, I had to think a positive one. I found this extremely difficult at first until I hit on the realization that being grateful for having 10 toes was a positive thought. I have a lot of intact body parts! Eventually I found my creativity (I don’t know the names of all my body parts, after all) and tons of positive thoughts. Using this technique I pulled myself out of the depression, and haven’t gone back.

  This article reminded me (again) that I should concentrate on thinking positively. I do tend to be a solution finder, but I’ve found that when I try to do it for other people, they just get frustrated – they just want an audience. That’s OK. But I’m not going to listen anymore! Now I just have to figure out how to lure them onto more interesting topics….

  If you are looking for something fun to have at an event – in Melbourne, Australia I came across a small, brightly-colored building on the sidewalk. There was a barker dressed in a striped jacket, top hat, and red pants outside, brandishing his cane and calling to people walking by. The building was a theater for 1. The barker let you choose a 10 minute play from a list, all of which were written by local playwrights, and then you paid him $8. He ushered you into the building, where a single actor performed the play for you. The plays were a bit interactive with intriguing twists at the end. For $1000 I think you could build the building, pay an actor and a barker, and convince a few playwrights to write a 10 minute play or two. Depending on who the VIPs were, you probably could convince the playwrights to do it for free :)

  Thanks, Tim, for sharing so many of your solutions and thoughts. I have been enjoying them immensely!

• Jasen
  September 25th, 2007
  11:55 am
  

  Tim Ferriss for president!

• x
  September 25th, 2007
  11:21 pm
  

  Re the Mac…it is a better design in many ways but the Mac-ites would have you believe that their god is infallible.

  Take a second to think about the fact that they call themselves cultists…when is a cult *ever* good?

  I switched in January. Slow. Painful.

  I keep asking MAC-abees how to do things…and they always say it’s because PC’s programmed us wrong. Generally not the case. In some cases yes.

  There is a global standard for mute…and it’s not a speaker icon. : )

• Brenda
  September 26th, 2007
  3:56 am
  

  Tim,

  Your blog is truly inspiring. I admire the messages you’re sharing with the entire planet!

  In reference to a behaviour people should stop, I agree with you that constructive criticism can be a good thing.
  However, I recommend people stop being too generous when it comes to dishing it out.

  Constructive criticism usually equals unsolicited advice. It is often too quick and shows lack of understanding for the point of view or problems faced by another person. It can erode relationships intimate or otherwise – especially when it is conveniently used to mask a negative focus on what needs to change – rather than appreciating all the good things around us.

  People can stop overdoing constructive criticism by focusing on what THEY themselves are doing instead of what OTHERS are doing. If you’re focusing your creative powers on yourself instead of others, you’ll find you have far more influence over everyone else in the end. (You’ll also discover what hard work it is to put all of those fabulous suggestions into practice).

  Another way to stop overdoing constructive criticism is to put your suggestions in writing. This gives you a chance to make sure your’re not too quick to jump in with well-intentioned advice AND make sure your communication meets certain requirements – like:

  1. Truly recognise the good intentions, actions and attributes of the other person before moving on to your advice. Show them you honestly understand this little fragment of life from their point of view…

  2. Offer a genuinely viable solution to the problem and not just the first one-sided idea that occurs to you.

  From Spain

  Brenda

• Jena
  September 26th, 2007
  10:46 am
  

  After reading this post yesterday, I decided that i would give this a try. I thought it would be fairly easy as I am also a [seemingly] positive person. Well, lo and behold I was switching that rubberband from wrist to wrist so many times it was like a nervous habit! But, I think I am giving myself very strict rules as well:

  the basics [no complaining, criticizing, or insults]
  no self-deprication
  no thinly veiled sarcasm meant to insult, but sounds funny.

  I realized not only that I have tricky ways of negative speaking behavior, but apparently, I also talk to myself. a lot. and what I say is usually not very nice and usually about myself. so, what I would like to say is thank you. thank you for sharing this idea with me to open my eyes to the daily barrage of self-defeating behavior I inflict on myself without even thinking about it. To be more aware of how I treat myself is probably the best lesson I will learn from this. I cant wait to get thru a whole day!

• christi
  September 26th, 2007
  11:13 am
  

  The bad habits that I feel should stop often comes from what I call the “doom and gloom” police and the “unless you have a certain degree/education your ideas mean nothing” crowd. These individuals simply pollute the air around us.Putting down new and innovative ideas for doing things, overstating and blowing up the negative over the positive in many situations, not willing to take a calculated risk for the sake of a greater benefit and return, may complain about the status quo, but don’t want to do anything different; think that their particular degree (PH.D) is the end all and do not genuinely listen to new thoughts on a challenge that may very well work because that person may not have a particular advancded degree, and operate in the midst of the “crabs in a barrell” mindset.

• christi
  September 26th, 2007
  11:13 am
  

  The bad habits that I feel should stop often comes from what I call the “doom and gloom” police and the “unless you have a certain degree/education your ideas mean nothing” crowd. These individuals simply pollute the air around us.Putting down new and innovative ideas for doing things, overstating and blowing up the negative over the positive in many situations, not willing to take a calculated risk for the sake of a greater benefit and return, may complain about the status quo, but don’t want to do anything different; think that their particular degree (PH.D) is the end all and do not genuinely listen to new thoughts on a challenge that may very well work because that person may not have a particular advancded degree, and operate in the midst of the “crabs in a barrell” mindset.

• christi
  September 26th, 2007
  11:23 am
  

  If I had $1,000 to arrange an event for VIP’s. Hmmmmm. Well, I would go to a good state university, and speak with school faculty members about selecting graduate students (or seniors)to become involved in this event planning for a small stipend paid to them. If you get to them early enough, you could probably set up an internship that is non-paid, but form an agreement with one or a few university departments/divisions that students may get a little extra credit with this event.

  If they will be helping with an event for VIP’s, this will be a good networking opportunity for them. Graduate and senior university students can be excellent representatives for a project/job like this, if you get the right ones. That is why going to the faculty is very helpful; they would know the best students to select. Students are normally eager to get out in the workforce and do have an admirable idealist attitude. You can excite them easier.

  Make sure that they will have a good reference from you in jobs that they will go for after they graduate, and see if there is a connection that can happen between them and a few of the VIP’s that will attend. I would say even let the VIP’s know that your dream team of event planners are from “such and such” university, and may become valuable assets to their companies.

• Lauren
  September 26th, 2007
  3:48 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  Apologizing insincerely. You are either sorry, or you are not sorry. If the word “but” follows your apology, you aren’t sorry.

  For example: “I’m sorry, but you really made me upset.”
  What this really means: “You hurt my feelings and I wanted to retaliate and hurt you back.”

  Until we recognize what are really saying to each other, we can’t hope to communicate. We also have to take responsibility for our own actions and our control of our emotions. If you apologize, be specific about what you are apologizing for and why, and be sincere: “I am sorry I called you that name. I was angry and lost control, and that isn’t who I want to be. It was not the right thing to do, and I won’t do it again.”

  Apologize sincerely, or not at all.

• jabarig
  September 27th, 2007
  10:49 am
  

  If I don’t like something should I avoid it or find a way to make it positive. What if it’s something unavoidable like my job or co-worker?

• Simple tool to speed self-actualization « Metacognition
  September 28th, 2007
  11:06 am
  

  [...] tool to speed self-actualization Tim Ferris has found a great way to remove negative thoughts from your day: Will designed a solution in the form of a simple purple bracelet, which he offered [...]

• Eric
  September 28th, 2007
  11:14 am
  

  Great post! I found a rubber band and I started yesterday. I already feel better.

  One behavior people should stop doing: performing tasks that are not priorities! Every time you find yourself worrying about or actually doing something that is not important to you, switch the band to the other hand! The action is so important, otherwise it doesn’t mean anything to recognize it, and it’s just another passing thought.

  Keep up the good work!

• Sassan
  September 29th, 2007
  12:21 pm
  

  Taking personal feelings and experiences and extending them to the “you”.

  Ex1) I love running before work. It gives “you” energy for the rest of the day.

  This person should say, “I love running before work. It gives me energy for the rest of the day.

  It is very presumtious to assume that because an event or experience effects me in a certain way that the same event or experience can be applied to the general population.

  Pay attention to how many people apply personal experiences to the “you.” Don’t let your identity become diluted by those who are afriad to stand alone with their feelings.

• Bill
  September 29th, 2007
  2:11 pm
  

  Excellent post Tim..

  One of the best yet..

  It is interesting that you posted this because I just read something about eliminating complaining and how it is easier to accomplish than just trying to think positive..

  Controlling your thoughts is something that most people do NOT do..

  One thing that I have done was try to sit for 5-15 minutes and do not think..

  Obviously this is virtually impossible BUT you find out how many thoughts are running thru your mind when you try to stop thinking..

  Once I have done this for a couple days it makes me THINK continuously BEFORE I let a thought run its course OR before I speak..

  Again, great post..

• Ben Denham
  September 29th, 2007
  11:51 pm
  

  In my Army years when a soldier regardless of rank would fall out of the run, we would make them turn their shirt inside out. Cruel? Maybe so but everyone that passed them knew they had let the team down.

  I hate time lines. I hate people that miss time lines more. I think folks that miss time lines should have to wear a crossing guard vest around the office to show they are slowing down the process.

  This may be extreme but I just believe we do such a bad job in the workplace of rewarding bad behavior.

  I have a nice one,

  BD

• September Web Roundup « Outside of the Triangle
  September 30th, 2007
  7:03 am
  

  [...] in the world of personal development/self improvement Tim Ferriss has written about the 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment. I generally try to maintain a positive attitude but know that it’s not always easy! If this [...]

• Gary
  September 30th, 2007
  3:46 pm
  

  100 VIP’s with 1000$? The answer is easy. Public park or whatever you can use for free, and as many kegs and cheap handles as necessary. Music via a small boom box powered by 10 bucks worth of batteries.

• Kate
  September 30th, 2007
  10:07 pm
  

  I want people to stop obsessing over themselves, especially the ones that no one would say is self obsessed. People who are down on themselves, thinking negatively about themselves are still THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES! If they directed that energy towards solving someones else’s conundrum their’s would likely solve itself.

  No more pity parties! The American mental health system is no doubt fostering and encouraging this defeating behavior. They should be teaching people that they have control over every aspect of their lives. If you’re an alcoholic you don’t have a disease, you have a really hard choice. But that is the best news anyone can give you because that choice is yours! Likewise with people who hold onto childhood events as an excuse to stay stuck- it’s over, put it to good use or forget about it.

  No one said it’ll be easy.

• Think Hacks » Blog Archive » Use a simple feedback loop to sharpen your mind
  October 4th, 2007
  4:29 pm
  

  [...] Ferriss has found a great way to remove negative thoughts from your day: Will designed a solution in the form of a simple purple bracelet, which he offered [...]

• Bryan
  October 6th, 2007
  12:27 pm
  

  Lose the “but” word” When you ask a person whether they followed through on a task and they use the “but” word.

  “Did you send that letter to the airlines? Response- “I found the address wrote the letter BUT have not mailed it yet”

  Just say NO.

  I would prefer people to get to the point instead of telling me everything they did. If I’m going to work 4 hours I need to know imediately if the task is complete, not how close you are to completing it.

  I am trying to have people “cut to the chase” as descibed in the book by making myself appear preoccupied. However, to train them I now ask for a simple yes or no answere.

  VIP party in SF because of weather and you can find a free outside venue.

  On the invitations tell them to bring they own refreshements and a bag with their name on it and make the promise that they will never forget this party! They will be intriqued and show up.

  When they check into the party they will be given plain white tee shirts (that say “we are human”) and shorts. Their clothes go in the bag with thier names on it. All bags will be publicly auctioned off and the proceeds or clothes will be given to charity. They will have a lot of fun at their own expense, do something for a cause, and have a tee shirt and shorts to remember what they did for fellow humans.

  You would be able to get all the items for party donated by local musicians, charities. Drop a dime to media about an unuasual surprise party for a 1000 VIPs. Donate the $1000.

  I m not a tree hugger or a charitable person but I do think that a VIP would like the change.

• SeanPAune.com » Blog Archive » acomplaintfreeworld.org
  October 6th, 2007
  1:45 pm
  

  [...] IMed me on Gtalk the other night about this.  He had read about it on the 4-hour Workweek blog and he was fairly certain I couldn’t do [...]

• NZ Dave
  October 8th, 2007
  5:07 pm
  

  This is a great idea!!

  and your suggestion about just using a rubber band instead of the official bracelet is pure genius. that way you can ping yourself with the rubber band every time you slip, in addition to changing wrists. adds a little bit more classical conditioning to the whole process. before you know it, just complaining is gonna make you cringe in pain… :-)

  Keep up the great work!!

  Dave

• Andrea
  October 11th, 2007
  4:11 pm
  

  You rock. My whole family loves your book, philosophy, spirit, and sense of humor. If you’re single and ever decide you don’t want to be, I have a beautiful, smart 24- year old sister who’d probably give you a run for your money. Yeah, this is probably one of the stranger things fans have said to you, but hey, none of us would mind having you at our Thanksgiving table, including my husband who’s eager for our new biz to launch so he can take up kickboxing in Thailand! You sound like a cool dude. Good luck with everything. Keep insipiring us!

• CheCheCherie
  October 11th, 2007
  5:22 pm
  

  An activity that most participate in, numerous times in a day, without even realizing it, is interrupting conversations and interrupting someone while they are talking.

  Stop interrupting others while they are talking, or better yet, try actually listening to what people have to say instead of just waiting for “your turn” to talk.

  You will be surprised what you can learn…. People will tell you exactly who they are and what they area all about, whether they realize it or not, if you just listen!

• Lotus
  October 12th, 2007
  3:53 am
  

  How to make the event memorable or fun- easy. I do this every so often, it’s great.

  Take a room full of people, and take away all watches, cell phones, time pieces, remove all the clocks, and say for the next hour we’re going to have a workshop on non-verbal communication. It helps to have a couple of nutbars in the room as seed corn to start the zany.

  The rules are: no talking. No sign language. No writing anything. Zero. Nada. No nametags.

  Most people assume that we will all just sit in a circle and meditate calmly for the hour. That’s where the nutbars come in. I was a nutbar for the first one of these I went to- I ran around cackling madly, stealing people’s right shoes. I made a big pile of them in the middle of the room. At first people aggrievedly tried to get them back, but I was determined. :)

  There is something about being in a non-verbal space like that that tends to let people PLAY. It’s amazing what happens. One of things I have seen at an event like this:

  Man taking tablecloth off table, dressing himself as the Statue of Liberty, holding a lightbulb instead of a torch. A bunch of people around him started to bow like Wayne and Garth when they met Alice Cooper in Wayne’s World. After about half the room was doing this, two guys picked up the non-moving, stiff as a board man from his ankles and put him on the table, re-arranged the tablecloth, and then pretended to eat the lightbulb.

  These were people that had NEVER met before. It was crazy. It was totally the hit of the conference.

  If I had a grand, and a thousand people like this, I’d go to goodwill and buy every piece of cheap crap toy, prop, costume, etc I could think of. Plastic swords. Wigs. Bad 1980’s sunglasses. Cop and robber gun sets. Hula skirts. Lots of hats. Horrible, horrible tacky prom dresses. Cowboy boots. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle masks. Peices of tubes and sticks.

  You could put a box of them at each table, or in the middle of a small circle of chairs (all the furniture gets shoved around at the ones I’ve gone to, too much around gets in the way) and at the end of the event have people put the toys back and give them right back to the goodwill.

  You’d have to separate people from those they came with, put them around strangers or it’ll take longer for them to loosen up. With that many people, having corner announced at the end of the event for missing items to go (you’d be stunned how many people loose socks).

  If you have a few people who know what’s going to happen, having them set to some random task (stealing all the right shoes in the room, moving all the furniture to the front of the room while another person is stealing that stockpiled furniture and moving it to the back of the room, another person building a fort out of pillows, two people doing a lightsaber duel with toy swords) should help things get started very nicely.

  These work best for one to three hour time slots, in my experience. Afterwards people glow with happy, and have a much easier time focusing on whatever you want to tell them.

  I hope that helps, it’s a hell of a lot of fun and way more productive at networking than it sounds!

• CallMeBobby
  October 17th, 2007
  1:45 pm
  

  Have you ever looked inside some intricate electronic device and marveled that people actually had to work together and get along to bring the device into physical form? I feel the same way about this bracelet idea. Most people who wear the bracelet will never know the others who are doing the same — and yet some things of physical form will come about as a result — the least of which is a more positive thinking society.

  What other behavior should people stop? Letting snailmail and email clutter up our lives. This is a subset of putting things off. My personal solution is to handle things immediately. Thank goodness for on-line banking where I can fire off a check to the Jerrys Kids or the Salvation Army without ever having to hassle with return snailmail — and no snailmail piles awaiting time to write a check, etc. :-)

  As for the party — have a “We All Put Our Clothes On The Same Way, Show & Tell Party.” Everyone would wear plain, white towels (as many as they wished)– so they are dressed in the same attire. They can wear clothing underneath, but it must be concealed by the towel(s). No one can wear jewelry or other ornaments. Each person is to bring something to show & tell. Invite ten local elementary schools to send a child as a representative of the school and to start the “Show & Tell” party. Give each childs school $100 for the childs participation in the event. Put a one minute limit on the time for each person. And each person should tell why the item is important to them.

  Either this sites script or my computer is jumping to the top of this blog every time I try to type an apostrophe. Its a wonderful test of my mettle. Ive only had to switch wrists about five times before I started “going with the flow” :-)

• Ken Giles
  October 19th, 2007
  7:59 am
  

  Tims asks: What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train they themselves to stop?

  Discontent. This shows itself in various ways. Can you train yourself to be content? Yes. It is a form of complaining. If you can learn to stop complaining you can learn to recognize and stop being discontent. When I am tempted to ogle another woman I am signaling my discontent with my faithful wife. When I am talking with someone and look over their shoulder I signal my discontent with the conversation. There may be times for this, but I am addressing habitual discontent.

  How to train yourself. Another bracelet or similar device would work. Anything that reminds you to be responsible will do. What are you being responsible for? For me, I have to be responsible for what my eyes take in and my attitude. I can’t help what other people wear or do to get my attention. But I can be responsible for feeding on it or responding to it. If I am engaged in conversation I have to keep my attention focused on my guest or host. Looking over their shoulder won’t help me. If I catch a glimpse of a chartreuse halter top I think of all the years my good wife has put into our relationship and how I can honor her with my attention. Perpetually scanning a crowd (or perpetually shopping) could suggest unhappiness with life or circumstances.

  You can train yourself to be content by focusing on what you have. Sure you’ve lost things that can range from opportunities to failed relationships to premature death of your children, abuse, etc. (I’m not trying to trivialize lose but blogs can’t be all inclusive). Everyone suffers. That’s life. Learning contentment is learning how to deal with life and it’s junk and still being grateful. Realize that any of life’s junk can happen to you at any moment.

  If nothing else, you can be grateful for the opportunity you have to change. You can be grateful for hope.

• CallMeBobby
  October 19th, 2007
  2:49 pm
  

  I forgot to address the food at the party. Each guest will bring his/her own homemade sandwich of choice.

• Hayden
  October 21st, 2007
  4:15 pm
  

  Another great post. I will implement this.

• Shawn Lankon Online » “Cool” Sucks and “Sucks” ain’t Cool
  October 23rd, 2007
  8:21 pm
  

  [...] alternatives when expressing myself. To give myself this focus I decided to use a variation of a technique employed by author Tim Ferris (whose book should be arriving at my door any day [...]

• David Murphy
  October 26th, 2007
  12:31 pm
  

  Another great game like the bracelet is one created by Marshall Thurber: “The $2 Rule”. The basic rules of the game are: if you shame someone, blame someone, or justify your actions you owe $2 to a collective fund. The judgement on whether you owe the $2 is up to the offender, though others can ask, “Was that $2?” The $2 fund can go to a charity or group project that everyone agrees on. It becomes a win/win situation. You learn to articulate solutions rather than problems and in your weaker moments you’re raising money for a good cause.

• mrtvsmith
  October 26th, 2007
  3:17 pm
  

  I can’t wait until you get married – then do the research – and give us your golden nuggets on marital bliss.

• Raina Gustafson
  October 27th, 2007
  10:36 pm
  

  mrtvsmith –
  You mean you’re not satisfied with having your VA send you a mail-order bride? ;-)

  My experience with relationships and the study of them has been:
  a) Getting caught up in other people’s theories is only prone to make me neurotic and confuse any relationship’s real issues, and
  b) The more precisely I can specifically identify my own needs and expectations, and then directly ask for them to be met (while helping my partner do the same) the happier we’ll both be.

  Even though I’m intuitive, I don’t assume I know what a partner thinks. When I ask better questions, I get better answers, and I have better relationships. If I’m having problems, I try to immediately discern how to ask a better question, or make a more neutral, yet descriptive and informative, statement. And, of course all of Tim’s advice about not complaining, blaming others, etc. applies.

  At that point, the question ceases to be whether or not the relationship is working as well as it possibly can be. That’s almost a given. Instead, the question is more along the lines of, “Do I merely enjoy this person’s company, or am I so thoroughly inspired and fulfilled by them and the partnership we create that I want to trust them and be more accountable to them than anyone else on the planet for the forseeable future/rest of my life?”

  On a different note, I’m thrilled that Tim is using a Mac. I’m such a Mac geek that I almost went to the Leopard release party last night. I have to order online to get an education discount, though, so I passed.

• Anthony S Dallmann-Jones
  November 4th, 2007
  7:52 pm
  

  I have been alive for as long as I can remember. So, talking about death as much as we do makes no sense. I call it a “deathist” philosophy. It is non-productive, as it subconsciously says “Why bother working/planning/etc so hard…you are gonna die anyway.” or energy-draining depression, and I am sure many other non-productive results from focusing on (and therefore expanding) energy dedicated to deathism.

  Some call me silly. I think I am the non-silly one. What do YOU want to expand in your life? Liveliness or Death & Disease (another “hot topic”). So put your purple band on, and every time, for one week, you talk about death or disease or sickness, switch it over. Watch how many times you have to. You will be surprised.
  THEN, use the purple band to STOP that thinking, and notice how much more energized you are!

  Remember, you have not a second (0%) of personal experience with death, but every second of your existence (100%) with life. Why would you want to empower self-destructive thoughts and words? Just a bad, socially-reinforced (especially by churches, drug makers, funeral homes, doctors, and insurance companies) habit; one you can correct with the purple band!

  2) How to entertain on less than a $1000 budget? Simple: Give them exercises to get to know themselves and each other, play team-building games (borrow some balls, string, rope, etc), spend the $1000 renting the ropes course.

  Then teach them how to do Primary Domino Thinking (solving problems effectively – after all, life is just one damn problem after another, ain’t it? Do some building of personal mission statements, let them read the 4 Hour Workweek and discuss it (get it on loan free from 1000 libraries), and learn how to meditate.

  Hell, call me, I will lead it for you, and I guarantee it will be the best week these people ever had!

• Syd
  November 7th, 2007
  1:18 am
  

  The other thing that people need to stop is to lose temper. I think the band thing or some tactic similar to it can help people with gaining more control of anger too.

  As for the party question, lets say that if you are pressed for budget, you can have a speech by somebody on a really boring topic about which nobody is interested in. But the thing is that everybody should sit through the lecture and nobody is allowed to leave the room, talk among themselves etc. as long as the lecture is going on. This can be a good change from the usual practice of people trying to make parties as much fun as possible. Try making it a little boring for a change and make it compulsory for people to endure it. See their response.

  The speech can be about something useful like environmental pollution, global warming etc. and it can be used for spreading awareness. Also the people by enduring the boredom might learn to have control over their emotions as they force themselves to sit through the lecture.

• Raina Gustafson
  November 7th, 2007
  11:24 pm
  

  To all you other devoted Mac lovers, please disable File Vault before upgrading to Leopard. Learn from my mistake.

• Don
  November 8th, 2007
  9:50 pm
  

  I am trying to order your book in ebook format and it is next to impossible to do this????

• Sloppyzhou
  November 15th, 2007
  10:32 pm
  

  I think purchasing a special wristband for thus purpose is a slight waste of money. Here’s a way to use the wristband idea while combining 2 habit breaker’s in one: just use your watch (if you wear one). Sure to be an effective reminder, moving your watch also provides a good change-up one of our most habitual accessories.

• » Don’t Like Meditation? Try Gratitude Training. (Plus: Follow-up to “Testing Friends” Firestorm)
  November 19th, 2007
  11:24 pm
  

  [...] are a few unorthodox tools that we’ve explored already for state awareness, like the 21-day no-complaint experiment, but the most common mainstream prescription is [...]

• The Courage to be Happy | The Phoenix Centre Blog
  November 20th, 2007
  3:12 pm
  

  [...] True courage comes from ‘no complaining." Seems like everyone on the web is pointing readers to the website: "A Complaint-Free World" I just bought the book, and agree with a blog post by Tim Ferriss. [...]

• Peace and Freedom
  November 20th, 2007
  9:22 pm
  

  Tim,

  I see it as the other way around…thoughts determine emotions which dictate our words and actions. The root of a complaint is judgment. Complaints don’t necessarily have to come out of my mouth. Judgmental thoughts are equally as powerful.

  How about defining a complaint as anything that disturbs one’s peace?

  If “I’m upset because of ______________” then I am choosing to engage in judgment. Judgment is suffering plain and simple. It is also part of the human experience. I believe it enhances my life because each time I choose to resolve the unresolved issues that create complaints(judgments)then I move up the spectrum in Consciousness. Peace and Freedom are automatic byproducts of resolving the unresolved issues that create judgments. The question then becomes HOW to resolve these issues and this is a personal quest that is not for the faint of heart. It requires vigilance.

  Living a Conscious life is well worth it to me. At the end of the day, what is more exciting, empowering, and enlivening than Peace and Freedom? What else is there to be desired in life?

• Over-Stuffed, But I’m Not Complaining
  November 22nd, 2007
  11:00 pm
  

  [...] I was totally stoked to come across Tim Ferris’ blog post about the 21-Day no-complaint solution. It’s just what I need to train “little Alexis”into a state of gratitude, or at [...]

• The Prophet
  November 24th, 2007
  9:43 am
  

  I personally try to refrain from asking questions as much as possible. I think asking questions is a conversational technique that is very convenient for people who are too lazy to think of something interesting to say for themselves.

  “Who do you think is going to win the next election?” There. Go ahead and talk while I listen (or pretend to) for the next few minutes.

  A person who feels the urge to ask the aforementioned question could, for instance, replace it with a comment like: “I’m passionate about politics, and I can’t wait to see who is going to win the next election.” Even if you get no verbal reply, the person’s body language will soon tell you whether your passion is shared.

  By the way, I’m aware that this post is written in answer to a question. So obviously I consider asking questions as something that is allowable at least some of the time ;-)

• Don't Should on Me
  November 25th, 2007
  12:54 pm
  

  People should stop saying should.

• Blogging Fully Alive » Blog Archive » Gratitude training
  November 26th, 2007
  12:22 pm
  

  [...] are a few unorthodox tools that we’ve explored already for state awareness, like the 21-day no-complaint experiment, but the most common mainstream prescription is [...]

• Joanie
  November 26th, 2007
  4:07 pm
  

  Offering solutions is good, however, many people will not take them. They have a “yes, but” mentality and like to stay in their problems. What about those people? Just avoid them?

• We Swear » Blog Archive » 21 Days of No Complaining - figuratively. literally. irregardlessly.
  December 5th, 2007
  10:05 am
  

  [...] Swear December 5th, 2007 21 Days of No Complaining This is a great idea; 21 Days of No Complaining. I love the definition and examples of complaining, very agreeable to [...]

• Thoughts For Fitness? » Works In Progress
  December 6th, 2007
  4:19 pm
  

  [...] 6 weeks on a “slow carb” diet has gotten me motivated again. But his post about “Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment” got me thinking. In it he says, …Word choice determines thought choice, which [...]

• Andrea Gochnour
  December 10th, 2007
  3:27 pm
  

  I think that people need to change their eating habbits. Not everyone needs to go on a diet, but our nation is becoming obsessed with fast food and junk food. I think we should try to go 21 days without eating fast/junk food. It would total change peoples life styles for the better. Everyone could stand to make some improvements on their eating habbits and this would give people the jump start they need. Don’t we all need to start taking better care of our bodies?

• Christina
  December 17th, 2007
  8:56 pm
  

  21 day fast of of not thinking any violent/jealous thoughts. Its personal, positive and teaches how changing our thinking can change your feelings.

• zkot
  December 25th, 2007
  10:39 am
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  ANSWER: Keep it positive. A few years ago, I spent a week at the home of a friend who had an African Gray Parrot, arguably the most intelligent species that isn’t human. It was my first interaction with a non-human that could speak. What was most interesting was the friendly manner of speech of this animal, named Sophocles, his sensitivity to the emotions of the people and other animals, my friend’s numerous other pets, in his surroundings. A major part of that was the bird’s manner of speech: 100% AFFIRMATION.

  How about it? Speak in positive terms.

  You can apply a similar strategy to the examples cited in this blog post:

  The Post Office Example:
  From now on, I’ll go in the mornings before 10am to avoid the crowd.

  The engineering emails:

  For maximum effectiveness, I’ll just send the e-mails directly to Mary in engineering for the next two weeks to get buy-in. I think John will see that works well in accomplishing our objectives.

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  ANSWER: Body Painting!!!

• hulahooper
  December 25th, 2007
  12:14 pm
  

  Gossiping about other people (also includes most forms of criticism)

  Why hate on other people and/or the work they put out into the ether?

  Ultimately, judging others is judging yourself, and judging other people’s work puts you on the fast track to stifling your own creativity. What if the critics pan YOU??

  With 100 VIP’s and a thousand bucks I’d hijack a couple of Mister Softee trucks and the Staten Island ferry, pack it with hotties culled from the street and a couple good DJ’s, let them eat ice cream and groove.

• Judy Diamond
  December 25th, 2007
  5:01 pm
  

  behaviour people should stop?
  - overspending especially impulse buys online (as most of us are working too many hours just to pay off debts)
  train themselves to stop by using a fake (web) “credit card” that you use to “spend” everytime you want to buy something but resist. when you use the credit card it just takes you to a website where you log the purchase and then every month you get mailed your “bill” which in fact shows you how much cash you’re “saving” by not spending.

  Re the party for VIP’s
  - ask each person to bring something with that represents something unnecessary that wastes their time that they want to rid from their life – and then have a moment where everyone sets light to their stuff in a big pile –
  with luck some people might set fire to their cellphone, their blackberry or to do list ?!
  a kind of bonfire of timewasting stuff

• prefabrik evler
  December 28th, 2007
  7:41 pm
  

  Strong post on complaining. Any negative energy is such a needless drain on our already overcrowded lives.

• Will Powers
  December 29th, 2007
  9:51 pm
  

  if I was hosting the party for the exec’s, I would give everyone a sheet of paper on a clipboard and a pen and ask everyone to write the following: “what is the most important question in life, and what do you think is the answer?”

• lonedostoevsky
  January 1st, 2008
  5:41 pm
  

  Tim,
  Thank you for your terrific blog. I am “randomly” finding you on New Year’s Day. I have been in a terrible work situation (not complaining part – ) because I am not following my ‘bliss’. I run the front desk & admin of a non-profit office, when I should be doing massage therapy. On some days I complain so much I make myself physically ill. I have a what seems to be an endless supply of (part-timers) fresh faces all who ask about my day. I think I have fallen into some diverticulum of the radical honesty project because I tell them, all the gory details, and each of my days have seemed to be full of them. Even talking about this, I feel the complaining coming on. I also gossip, I have been justifying this behaviour, because it is the only way I thought I could get trickle-down information from management, and though it has worked, I don’t feel good about it. I think that the rubber band thing will help me. I have already been feeling better looking for office space for my business and I have to just believe that the right deal will come along when it should. Until that time, I gotta keep the job, & I have to remember that other people’s failure to inform me (like when a Congressman is going to come tour our facility in 4 hours- smile- ok I am starting right *now*) is not my own failure to be receptive to what ever information they will share with me, especially since I will go on the 21 day no complaining diet! So thank you, and maybe I will even throw in “white” foods too.

  Party with Budget under 1k, rent a yert & or tepee, light it with candles and have relaxing music & 10 min massage therapy sessions. Outside serve homemade tapas & instead of talking about your project all night, put it up on a screen and let the business people talk about how great they feel!

• Lane Dawg Bowers
  January 2nd, 2008
  10:11 pm
  

  I would like to see a competition for the least amount of words needed to elicit a positive conversation from others.

  Your incites have inspired me.

  I believe there is only one source for words that actually make everlasting change…words that have the innate ability to warp “reality.”

  A hierarchy of the best words would seem to be the most efficient path to change.

• Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment | The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss | A Yuletide Apocalypse
  January 7th, 2008
  1:15 am
  

  [...] [From Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment | The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss] [...]

• Themikenesedude
  January 7th, 2008
  9:12 pm
  

  Actually you know what’s funny though is that you mention complaining being counterproductive but ysee I’m kind of a misanthrope- Okay I don’t really “hate” people I just think we’re all flawed (For example I’m full of myself- My favorite time of the morning is when I glance at myself in the mirror, but I know I’m full of it all in good fun.). I really think humans have poisonned a lot of existence but what I really hate is that a lot of people relish in that and love to make others miserable byproxy because they are inconsiderate enough to not know they have the potential to burn the whole world to the ground if they wanted to:

  Well that gets to me talking about my writing- which of course involves people the way I see most people- Screwed through every fault of their own…

  I met this chick New Years who asked about my writing. So obviously New Years I was miffed again that the world didn’t end which meant 1) I didn’t get laid on New Years and 2) I had things to attend to the next day, instead of the fun of having a permanent vacation if a meteor had smashed into me or Godzilla farted on me or the hand of Elvis rose from the Heavens and threw lightning at everybody.

  Anyway when she asked about my writing and what it was about of course I had said, “Oh you know same old fun stuff- heroin addiction, suicide, alienation, desperation, failure, the amusing follies of #*@!ups and retards.”

  At that point her eyes lit up and in a minute or two she was making out with me to the extent that we walked to the door with lips locked and my hand nearly on her ass. She couldnt take her hands off of me and made the hilarious loser she was with jealous- So yeah sometimes complaining does actually work in rare one-night stand type situations… But usually you have to be a rock-star with a serious drug problem for that to work sadly (And I don’t have neither.).

  Food for thought…

  Peace,
  -Mike

• ChangeLinks: Tools for Positive Thinking
  January 11th, 2008
  10:50 pm
  

  [...] a more concrete level, Tim Ferris shared his Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment. In this experiment, he wore a wristband which he had to move to the other wrist every time he [...]

• Jennifer Grammer
  January 15th, 2008
  10:17 am
  

  You speak a lot of truth. The world can be full of toxic human vultures or positive light. It is an individual choice.

• Tim Ferris takes the 21 Day Challenge « Brightsightgroup’s Weblog
  January 17th, 2008
  3:49 pm
  

  [...] Ferris takes the 21 Day Challenge Author of The 4 hour Work Week,  Tim Ferris blogged about taking the 21 Day challenge, part of Will Bowen’s Complaint Free [...]

• Heather
  January 21st, 2008
  7:54 am
  

  Love themselves more – forgive themselves for their imperfections and say I love you each morning to themselves in the mirror, forget trying to be perfect, aim for it but there’s too many more useful things to do than waste time and money in trying to look perfect, better to act with respect and love to everyone around you b/c each of them is a reflection of something in side ourselves! Now that can be scary!!

  The Party – I would invite the VIPs (let them know it is invitation only!) to pay for their own ticket on a round the island (Manhattan) trip on a full moon evening and promise that they would get to meet a very select group of people that they could make new business and social contact with, and use the money for cheap champagne in expensive looking bottles, and say ‘dahling’ a lot! Heather, Australia!

• Gratitude training | The Simple Marriage Project
  January 25th, 2008
  3:31 pm
  

  [...] are a few unorthodox tools that we’ve explored already for state awareness, like the 21-day no-complaint experiment, but the most common mainstream prescription is [...]

• What Jealousy Is. — Turning Pro
  January 30th, 2008
  3:53 pm
  

  [...] good analogy can be found in Tim Ferriss’s adjustments to the No-Complaint Experiment: I defined “complaining” for myself as follows: describing an event or person negatively [...]

• Brad K.
  February 8th, 2008
  8:49 am
  

  In keeping with minimalism I am going to start this with my watch as the tool. Ever switch wrists? It is a bit of an adjustment and should serve as a constant reminder of the task at hand – particularly for those with heavier time pieces.

  No budget in those locales…I’d serve domestic light beer on the beach or in central park – so cliche it would be certain to be memorable (in some sense…).

• Steve Lovelace
  February 8th, 2008
  6:17 pm
  

  Here’s a good behavior to get away from: Stop passing the buck.

  People should be be more willing to be accountable for their own actions, take responsibility, and not automatically lay blame on someone else (or someTHING else, at times.) Especially common in the workplace, passing the buck can often be counter-productive and can demonstrate a lack of integrity, maturity, honor, and leadership. While one may see this practice as merely a self-preserving escape route, it’s also demonstrated as a bit of testimony to that person’s weak character.

  Which would you rather hear: “The mess up with the new system? Bob was really more to blame than I” -or- “Although others may have been involved, I was part of the problem and I’m willing to share in the responsibility.”

  I think it’s generally more respectable to stand up and take your lumps. You’ll look better for it.

  –Steve

• Joel’s Scattered Thoughts » Blog Archive » The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment
  February 14th, 2008
  9:17 am
  

  [...] » Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment [...]

• andrew szalontai
  March 7th, 2008
  9:57 pm
  

  Bad Behavior and the reason:
  Red-hot anger. It’s explosive, unpredictable and easy. On the road, on the phone, in hotels, in queues, or at home — almost everywhere, it seems people are lashing out.
  It’s ugly to see, and frightening too, but the awful truth is that anger is often rewarded. Yell and scream down the phone or show some irritation to a shop assistant and you might get quicker service. Scream at the CSR and demand a Supervisor and they get the answers that they want. Not necessarily the correct ones, but anger and outlashes got them to where they wanted to go faster.

  The way we live today, experts say, opens the door to frustration and rage.
  Anger. It builds like a pressure cooker. A look from another driver at the lights, a queue that’s blocked by that wretched old woman, a booking phone number that plays prerecorded trash 24 hours a day and never seems to be picked up. A wrong word, a flat tire, a late train, a frozen computer screen, a cold dinner, warm beer — they’re all fuel to the fire.
  A way to stop this said “bad behavior”? Like another other bad “habit” that we seem to get into, Self Help would be the answer. First seeing the problem, then seeking the help we need to make it go away.

  Well – with cash in the pocket at only $1000.00 I have no idea what type of event you think you can put on in NYC!!!! Ha-ha!
  First I think I would try to get the community involved. Quick fundraisers, see who has an “in” with some sort of entertainment (everyone knows a DJ!), find a local catering company that would love the publicity and would do the event for free (for the exposure), visit local shops (stores) ask for some prizes to be donated, contact a local newspaper, radio, even TV and let them know about the event and if they would help support. It would be fun – no matter what – make it fun!

• Adam Reese
  March 9th, 2008
  10:28 am
  

  I’m all about creating myself a positive environment. You can actually go a step further to make the your statements more positive. First, start sentences that contain negative comments with the posotive solution, and speak of the negative event as you in your environment instead of targeting an individual at fault. For example take the quote “Man, I went into the post office and had to stand behind this rude guy for 30 minutes. It was a waste of time. From now on, I’ll go in the mornings before 10am to avoid the crowd.” You can restate this as “I found out the other day that if you go into the post office after 10am, you are very likely to run into delays with the crowds.” As an owner of a restaurant, I try to use positive reinforcement when criticizing my employees’ work by first telling them the best and most positive thing they are doing in their work, then following it with “but you need to work on …..” The more I use this tecnique in the everyday, the better I feel and the better my environment becomes.

• Nooit meer klagen… dankzij een elastiekje « Katholiek leven
  March 10th, 2008
  5:28 am
  

  [...] negatief beschrijven, zonder dat je aangeeft hoe je het probleem kunt oplossen” (met dank aan Tim Ferris). Deze definitie omvat dus zeuren, klagen, roddelen en kwaadspreken, mopperen, schelden, vloeken en [...]

• Sarah.Louise
  March 28th, 2008
  10:38 am
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?
  Dirty Looks – the passive aggressive’s criticism. I know because I have both delivered and received such looks that they can ruin a day, even if you think the person they’re aimed at hasn’t noticed. So now, when I feel one coming on, I just stop and think: why? Is it because I’m jealous? Is it because I think this a serious issue which I think the person should be called up on? Or is just me being mean? And I act accordingly. I generally find it’s because of an issue I have with myself so just checking up on myself prevents me from ruining someone else’s day aswell as making me consider myself. So, we all win!

• Hunter Nuttall . com » Blog Archive » A Complaint Free World
  March 31st, 2008
  1:06 am
  

  [...] first heard about this from Tim Ferriss, who took 3 months to make it to 21 days in a row without complaining. Since he believes in [...]

• KickiM
  April 1st, 2008
  8:12 am
  

  Grüezi from Switzerland.
  To re-size a photo on a Mac running Leopard (fastest way): click on the photo. Up comes the Preview program. Click on “Tools” in the menu bar. Go down to “adjust size”.

  Great post on learning a non-complaining, ie: “positive” lifestyle. Ties into the law of attraction philosophy – whatever you focus on, eventually comes around. Try to find a positive way of saying something (as ZKOT’s post states).

  Don’t say “I’ve got to lose weight”. The word “lose” is hard-wired in our brains as negative. Say “I’m going to get fit.” Even better, “I am getting fit.”

• Marianne Hardy
  April 19th, 2008
  7:00 pm
  

  Have a formal dance party on the golden gate bridge.Send out “secret invitations” of some sort like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You can’t beat the scenery and there is quite a lot of room.

• Piglet
  April 29th, 2008
  11:48 pm
  

  Lazy indifference – my wise nan once said ‘do not put off until tomorrow what you can acomplish today’
  NEVER put off anything however tedious and you will be amazed how much better you feel by clearing the decks/mind and completing what you set out to do each day.

  Party in the Park: Post a blog, ask bands to come along for free and get everyone who wants to attend to bring one drink and one of their own favourite recipes. (Could always ask Gordon Ramsay to attend and judge!)

  Have fun people…J

• yogaroads
  May 12th, 2008
  2:32 pm
  

  little late on this one, but….
  it’s a good topic: behavior:::

  1) arriving late (or too early) all the time
  2) make eye contact when speaking -every time.
  3) constant mental criticism of self!!!

• Doni Tamblyn
  May 16th, 2008
  3:36 am
  

  I already got a bracelet (after reading your post, thanks), so I’m not going to answer the two questions, la la la. But I do want to speak to this complaint-free thing

  For about 12 years now I’ve been following a discipline to be GRATEFUL for everything. It’s a faith-based deal: We all have negative karma (let’s face it, over countless lifetimes odds are we boiled SOMEONE in oil), and painful events help us to cleanse it and learn to do better, so in fact they’re good. Which feeds into the overarching idea that God by definition has things handled, and because of this everything will, in the end, be all right. So why wouldn’t we be grateful?

  We wouldn’t because we’re essentially no different from those slugs in Biology 101 who demonstrated negative and positive taxis by moving away from the vinegar and toward the celery juice. It’s counter-intuitive to say “thank you” for something that makes you want to taxis right the hell out of here. In fact the idea is ripe for comedy: I remember when our teacher told us: “If your children give you a hard time you should say, ‘Thank you very much for training my soul.’” I asked: “Then can we say, ‘and if you don’t stop right now I’ll give you something to thank ME for’?” Explosions from the other learners: “Don’t MAKE me give you something to THANK me for!” “You don’t WANT me to give you something to THANK me for!” Arf, arf, arf….

  Anyway, so this wrist band gave me a new way to approach the challenge. There are so many cool things about it. First, I’m not like you — I’m changing it constantly, and I’ve had it for 2 months now. Any querulous tone of voice (“Where did I PUT that thing?”), and over it goes. Even verbalizing the negative event that led to the positive solution isn’t allowed. For example, I can’t mention the rude guy in the lineup, only the fact that I’ll go before 10am to avoid the crowd. This is really forcing me to watch myself being negative — to see what’s my “payoff.” It’s also sensitizing me to the effects of negativity, both on myself and others. And you know what? The effects are quite negative. Yes. In fact, so far I think the only negative verbalization I’ve heard that will almost certainly have positive effect is “I’m sorry.”

  You may disagree with that last statement. For example, I know what you said about constructive criticism. I’m not yet certain I’m against it. I myself love good criticism from people who respect me. But unless I know the other person feels the same way, I’d hesitate to mention any insufficiency on their part. Competency is relatively easy to achieve. Harmony is much harder.

  Anyway, thanks for the post. It introduced me to the wrist band, and gave me the best challenge I’ve met in the past year.

• Braden Loader
  June 2nd, 2008
  3:44 pm
  

  Hello Tim,

  My name is Braden Loader. I’m currently a commerce student at the University of Manitoba, and to be frank, I’m tired of being 21 and not sailing my own boat off the coast of Costa Rica!

  I have a prospective business idea in the form of a self-guided adventure travel company, yet feel my business plan and concept are loose and undeveloped. I believe some serious strategic aid is to be sought if I’m not to be one of the several thousand internet sites that bite the dirt immediately. Realizing this may be an atypical request, I can only hope you’d humour me, as a newcomer such as myself could learn a lot from your business savvy. Where and when may we meet?

  As urgency is a matter of opinion, I’ll leave it up to you!

  Regards (I just can’t do the “cheers” thing),

  Braden Loader

  P.S. Apologies to those with intellectually stimulating comments, all I can do is try!

• Kay Meester
  June 3rd, 2008
  6:34 pm
  

  Use/Application: Negative Self Talk

  People are so hard on themselves, often unconsciously, sabotaging their own potential. I would use the bracelet to reinforce positive self-esteem, self-worth & inner-peace. I believe if more people developed authentic self-esteem the world would transform. Drugs & alcohol abuse, crime, violence, procrastination, fear, ego, etc would decline while cooperation, respect, collaboration, productivity, goodwill, generosity & inspiration, etc would prevail.

  The answer to world peace? maybe.

• Quit Your Bit@#ing! | John C Donahue
  June 7th, 2008
  10:51 am
  

  [...] found an amazing idea over at Tim Ferris’ BLOG, and I feel inspired to join him in a 30 Day Complaint Fast. He got the idea from [...]

• Matt
  June 8th, 2008
  2:32 pm
  

  Behavior to change #1:
  Using the phrase “I didn’t have time for that.” Try replacing this with “I didn’t make that a priority.” More here: http://frugalize.blogspot.com/2008/01/time-is-all-we-have.html

  Behavior to change #2:
  Externalizing blame when things go wrong.
  How to change: When bad things happen, ask “What role did my actions play in bringing this about” and/or “what could I have done differently to prevent this?”

• Lily
  June 8th, 2008
  8:13 pm
  

  Hmm, where would you stand on complaining about having to wait so long for one of the bracelts !!

  Only joking. Now to re-phrase that in line with this whole concept I would have to say “Wow, that’s a pain, having to wait so many months for one of these but that’s ok because I don’t need a bit of plastic to remind me and besides at my age, wearing a strip of purple on my wrist is bound to confirm my friends in their opinion that I am just slightly eccentric, so I will have to use the old brain cells to come up with something that serves the same purpose but slightly more elegantly. “

• Doni Gallinger
  June 9th, 2008
  7:00 am
  

  Hey Kay Meester–

  I’m SO glad you said “I believe if more people developed authentic self-esteem the world would transform.” AUTHENTIC is definitely the key word.

  Have you ever heard of Donald Gallinger? He’s a novelist who also teaches high school English. He writes hilarious blogs about kids. One is titled “My Self of Steam.” Your comment made me think of it. Have a look:

  http://www.donaldgallinger.com/dons-blog/7-dons-blog/12-my-self-of-steam.html

  Ha! Anyway, I agree with your comment.

• Kyle Wannemacher
  June 18th, 2008
  6:58 am
  

  Excuse Making: Traininig people to look within for the solution vs. outside sources as excuses is the only way to make long term changes within oneself.
  Training: Make a purple and blue wrist band. Purple for complaing and blue for excuse making. As in your post anytime you complain or make and excuse you switch wrists. Also purple and blue are two of the colors in bruises which represent the bruising to your psyche that happens anytime you complain or make excuses.

  Bonus:
  A. Post on a blog looking for ideas…
  B. Do a scavanger hunt based off of living like a local (i.e. NYC: find the engine manufacturer of the Staten Island Ferry, very cheap around $3 and they have to take a ferry ride and enjoy some wonderful views of NYC; find out how many rivits are in the Statue of Liberty, mentioned on the tour…). Forces you to live like a local while your setting up the event, something you like to do, and it gives the VIP’s access to something they have never done before.

  Enjoy and I love your book and blog.

  Thanks,
  Kyle

• Martin
  June 18th, 2008
  8:33 am
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop?
  - To talk in negative ways about someone to another person without trying to clear the situation with the related person (=> do what you fear => effectiveness). Most of the problems with people in the world occur because people fear to talk to each other honestly (to tell the necessary things the other person what is involved in any way in your life should know).

  How could train themselves to stop?
  - The easiest way to stop complaining is to stop complaining about yourself (please really think about that!!!!)

  If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?
  - Invite all the VIPs in front of a very good location (e.g. nightclub, restaurant, whatever you prefer) and tell them that this is a big fake because you had no money to organize such an event (it is tru but they will think you are kidding will all laugh). Of course you got in contact with the managemnt or PR department of the club and tell them that many VIPs will come to THEIR location (they will like it because it is good PR for free) and what they can offer you to bring them the stars. Then you ask them how much they spend for PR and give the money to you, I am sure you will have enough to have a great party then! If you really organize a party with no money and the VIPs come, it will definitely be memorable. ;-)

• Jen
  June 21st, 2008
  4:56 am
  

  The day after this post, I read the book in one sitting at Border’s. I snapped on a rubber band from an asparagus bundle that evening.

  I have been aware that I complain a lot for a while but this is a great tool for change that I was missing. I haven’t even made it a day without complaint yet, but I am doing it less. I absolutely feel better for it.

  Thanks, Tim!

• Adam Binns
  June 25th, 2008
  9:40 am
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  Living in the past. learn presence of mind and self awareness by getting small. If you are reading, devote 100% of your energy to reading. If you are
  eating, do nothing but eat. When you find your mind wandering, refocus.

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  Begin with 30 minutes of meditation. Many would appreciate amoment of peace.

• Sexy Nonfiction » Travelogue Entry » Man vs. Wild: The Trials and Tribulations of Not Complaining
  June 25th, 2008
  11:19 pm
  

  [...] Also coincidentally, Macs are the reason Tim Ferris had to restart his No Complaint Challenge (here). I guess the universe is conspiring to keep Macs [...]

• Brian Monahan
  June 29th, 2008
  3:54 pm
  

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  Talking about the weather and other unispired responses. I have noticed when you ask people what’s up or whats going on they often talk about he weather, work and ailments. This is actually just another form of complaining but i feel it revolves around people having no Passion.

  My idea is the Personal Passion Project.

  I believe everyone should have a personal passion they are invested in. I will be launching classes and such in the near future to help with this project.

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  I would work with the local animal shelters and provide them pictures of my guests. I would ask them to bring an animal that most resembles each of my guests.

  During the event you goal would be to find your VIP animal twin. Each VIP would have the option to adopt their animal twin or find it a home.

  This would be good PR for the VIP’s and a good time.

• wooden rubber band guns
  June 30th, 2008
  6:06 pm
  

  wooden rubber band guns…

  Sounds interesting but not for every one….

• Srikanth
  July 13th, 2008
  1:41 am
  

  I cannot say that I have ever stayed away from a negative thought or a complaint for 21 days straight. My theory is that both wholesome and unwholesome thoughts seem to cycle in my life – at some point wholesome thoughts hold sway and at others unwholesome ones. The interesting thing I have noted is that the transitions from completely positive territory to negative territory occurs less and less frequently. Also once I reach a certain threshold of “complaints” in my day to day life – it feels like a slippery slope. Then, I have to go through the whole process of feeling the impact, then trying to get back up and start on a very small success to help me move along…..

  my 2 pesos.
  - srikanth

• Megan Bagwell
  July 20th, 2008
  11:55 am
  

  Throwing a VIP party with no budget:

  Invite some of the hugest people in music, generally enjoyed by most and have some “kareoke with the stars”… that would be pretty memorable, fun, etc, who doesn’t like to see big wigs up on stage either making a fool out of themselves (after a few drinks) or rocking the place with some surprising talent!

  What people should stop doing:

  People who complain about needing to lose weight should stop eating cake/donuts or their daily venti caramel frappuccinos with extra whip. Every time they do they should go do some bad dancing in front of a full length mirror naked. Better yet…just video chubby self dancing naked and replay it every time you eat those carbs. Carb freaks should begin low-carbing through week and take Saturday off to have that Venti Frapp. :)

  Probably no more bracelets a year later! ha

• Joe
  July 24th, 2008
  3:42 am
  

  Does the non-complaining thing extend to thoughts??

• Sergio Rojas II
  July 27th, 2008
  1:40 pm
  

  Tim,

  What is the best way to read a book? Read the whole book fast to get a bird’s-eye-view THEN go back and highlight?

  Also,

  What is your reasoning for reading only 1 Non-Fiction book at a time? Any one else have any specifics about this?

• port_lx
  July 30th, 2008
  6:11 am
  

  Well… first of all it’s my first time writing in tim’s blog so i’ll start easy.

  i was ready about how something like 80% or so of guys toughts are about sex so i think that would be fun to play with. Not saying its a bad behaviour (inside plausible limits…) but anyway…

  My idea is similar to the wrist band. You should get a ring on your baby finger. The objective is to go by 30 days – without it going all the way trough the other fingers and ending on the oposite hand’s baby finger.

  So here’s how it goes: everytime you get yourself (guy or girl) thinkin bout sex, BUSTED, change the ring to the following finger and start over.

  this will give you 10 chances of starting over…
  Of course that when youre with your girlfriend or so doesnt count…… i mean when youre alone or with or friends or whatever…

  I think it would be fun and i’m not sure of what would be the personal consequences of this…ahahaha i guess that one would be like daammm this is hard! or something like metacognitive awareness training….

  Something like that…i guess it would be a hard experiment

  Would like to talk some things out with Tim if he gets to read this….
  Cheers

• Joe
  July 30th, 2008
  7:46 am
  

  Tim –

  I’ve tried this and it’s not working for me. Perhaps the book contains more thorough details on cultural factors in application. The problem is, I’m Jewish. The majority of my conversation – a great proportion of which is funny and engaging – is dependent on complaints of assorted varieties.
  I’ve found that without complaints, I’m short on entertaining stories, short on banter, and somewhat dry and soul-less.

  The nature of The Jew has done a great deal for our society, through entertainment in particular; and I would contend that many of the insights that The Jew is uniquely able to present to the world comes from a hard-wired eye for agitators (or that which could result in complaint).

  I would say that although the power of a positive frame is irrefutable, The Complaint is a valuable interpersonal tool.

  I’d be interested to discuss this with you in more detail, and to hear any thoughts that you have pertaining to the role of The Complaint in humour, in making emotional connections; and the intrapersonal effects of The Complaint across different cultures.

  Oye,

  Joe

• Andrea
  August 7th, 2008
  3:31 pm
  

  A behavior people should stop doing: lying. How can they stop. Immediately admitting that what they just said was not the truth. If you do have the balls to do that for a couple of times and go through that embarrassment not only the people involved will be lenient but the lair will learn.

• Chris
  August 11th, 2008
  6:57 pm
  

  The one habit people should stop is thinking they are more important than they really are. Self-awareness is a much more important trait than self-importance. Every instance of using the word I should be followed by a self-correcting action. e.g. I am too fat should be rephrased to I should lose 5 pounds.

  The CEO/VIP party would have no budget to begin with but those in attendance would be required to come up with an idea to raise funds for the party a la Apprentice-style teams (maybe 5 members per team). The winning team’s fund-raising efforts will fund the party. Every other team’s winnings go to the winner’s charity of choice.

• Rob
  August 12th, 2008
  2:31 pm
  

  That technique is straight out of Aleister Crowley. Seriously.

• No Complaints Today …. Take the 21 day challenge. : The Cardinal Point
  August 14th, 2008
  8:04 pm
  

  [...] week as I was perusing Tim Ferris’s blog, I somehow stumbled upon a post: Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment. In his post he discussed Will Bowen,  a Kansas City minister who designed a purple rubber [...]

• Joao
  August 21st, 2008
  10:44 pm
  

  People should stop appologizing for sending spams. If they know it’s a spam, and if they were sincerely sorry, why sending them? A better way would be “this IS a spam; I’m NOT sorry, because I believe I DO have a good reason for it, which is:…”
  Would that work? :P

• Tom
  September 3rd, 2008
  4:21 pm
  

  People that talk over other people

  I notice in many conversations a lot of times, one person will be talking and then the other person will start talking not letting the first person finish their communication. Essentially cutting them off. It is so commonplace that it is not normally considered rude. But the person that gets cut off usually does not appreciate it.

  This is a tough one but here are some ideas on how to stop that behavior. Practice one day at a time not cutting off other people. When someone cuts you off say politely: “Will you let me finish?”

• Top 7 Websites and Blogs Read by this Broad « Life as Real Estate Investors
  September 16th, 2008
  7:14 am
  

  [...] for making your life better, different and definitely fulfilling. I DARE you to try this idea: Real Mind Control: The 21 Day No Complaint Experiment. We’re only a few weeks away from the Long Course Momar Adventure Race in Cumberland, BC so [...]

• Fred
  September 27th, 2008
  8:49 am
  

  Hmm.. after a second thought I see in the idea. I have started the experiment (using my wrist watch).

• Jody
  September 28th, 2008
  5:21 pm
  

  People should stop blaming. There is no better waste of life and space than someone who spends their time blaming others for their own failings. Accept it and move on! The future is waiting, I have seen too many lives wasted because people couldn’t accept what has gone before. What has happened is what brought you to where you are, if you don’t like it change directions!

• Positive Thinking and No Complaints
  October 1st, 2008
  6:22 am
  

  [...] here is a combination of Tony Robbins’ “10-day Mental Diet“, and the “21-day No Complaint Experiment” that I got from Tim [...]

• T
  October 7th, 2008
  11:15 pm
  

  The other behavior besides complaining I think people should stop is using the phrase “I can’t.” When we are children, it seems like that phrase is not even in our vocabulary and the world is full of endless possibilities where we can grow up to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an astronaut. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood the phrase “I can’t” sets in and becomes an excuse for our mediocrity. The world doesn’t limit us, we limit ourselves.

  As far as the bonus question, I would throw a carnival. Working for a non-profit, I am used to throwing parties with little to no money. It is amazing how cheap it is to throw a carnival with all the extras…. games, food, prizes. It would be a good reminder for everyone to realize how fun it is to be a kid again.

• Joseph Santoyo
  October 9th, 2008
  3:52 pm
  

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  I would show them how to use $1,000 to make the night memorable, and they would never forget it.

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?

  Other behaviors besides complaining that people should stop is being so negative. Negativity has a deep effect on me especially in school. If someone is depressed I can’t be around them. So they should learn to turn the negativity into something positive or find a way to make it better.

  - Joseph

• Macs blow
  October 16th, 2008
  4:20 pm
  

  what kind of rebel libertarian like Tim Ferriss uses a Mac?

  Just baffles me.

  I’d expect you to run Fedora or Ubuntu on something that’s not overpriced and incapable *cough cough* like a mac *cough*

• I'm disappinted
  October 16th, 2008
  4:27 pm
  

  The rebel, the libertarian, the hacker, the genius that is Tim Ferriss uses an Apple overpriced, incapable computer, and then to top it off runs Mac OS X on it.

  :(

  Wow, macs are for n00bz.
  And the people who posted before me act like Windows (which they call “PC” is the only other option)….

  umm Fedora, Ubuntu???

  I see you as the intello blogger who isn’t like all the others (i.e. voting for Obama, using a Mac, blah, blah, blah)
  You are against FISA!!! You do not fall into the two-party trap (GOP is to DEM as Windows is to Mac) The former being cheaper, more efficient, yet can get viruses (Let’s continue the analogy by calling the viruses Neo-cons grr) and Macs, overpriced, inefficient, incapable.
  Vote 3rd Party. Use Linux.

• Nooit meer klagen… dankzij een elastiekje
  October 25th, 2008
  12:41 am
  

  [...] Hier is mijn definitie van klagen: “een gebeurtenis of een persoon negatief beschrijven, zonder dat je aangeeft hoe je het probleem kunt oplossen” (met dank aan Tim Ferris). [...]

• Just.My.Thoughts
  October 27th, 2008
  5:34 pm
  

  “What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop?”

  My top pick in this category is running others down. This includes criticism in all its forms when defined as diminishing someone.

  “How could (they) train themselves to stop?”

  This takes an awareness on the part of the individual of their behavior and a desire to change. Putting this into action, the individual declares their intention to stop the behavior, and corrects themselves along the way.

  “Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?”

  The event is created around (insert good cause here, I’ll use “having food with our meals”). The invitees are challenged to create and prepare themselves a dinner that feeds four and costs no more than $15. The dishes are prepared in larger portions and sampled by judges (food critics?) and are rated for nutrition, ease of preparation and taste. All recipes are published and the winners have scholarships named after them for underprivileged kids. The event is “paid” for through donations of venue, services, and the media cover other costs for an up-and-close evening with these high-powered people.

  Cheers!

• Kay
  October 28th, 2008
  7:57 am
  

  Bad habits I (personally) would like to see stopped:

  Being verbally abusive to myself when I mess up – as in, “How could I be such a stupid @#$%%?”

  Bad habits I see all around me:

  Comparing yourself to others and always coming up short. The grass is always greener on the other side. Some people look like they have everything together and then you find out they’ve lost someone they love, or they are going through a divorce.

  Thinking other people are lucky and that’s why they’re where they’re at in life, or why they are in shape, or why they have a fun job. Not everything in life is about luck. Physically fit people are fit because they are at the gym, or on a bike, and they watch what they eat. Saying other people are lucky is a cop out, because it infers that you can’t accomplish these things yourself because you’re not lucky.

  Party idea – At least for the entertainment, we tried a small book called “If – Questions for the Game of Life”. Put people in small groups and ask each other questions, some whimsical, some thought-provoking. You will walk away really knowing the people you played the game with. I guarantee you the questions are not about what you do for a living.

• StephB
  October 31st, 2008
  3:06 pm
  

  people should use the bracelet therapy to stop saying the word “like” every 10 seconds. It sounds innocent in conversation but really unprofessional and juvenile in an interview or business meeting. And the interview isn’t the place to think “oh crap, I just said ‘like’ again”.

• David
  November 6th, 2008
  6:02 am
  

  May I have a bracelet.

  Please.

• Ben Biggs
  November 7th, 2008
  10:36 am
  

  People need to immediately and violently halt all assumption making processes about other individuals. Assumptions made on people applies a standard that we have pre-concocted to a GROUP of people that may or may-not be true of an INDIVIDUAL. For example, a person wearing garments from another culture, or a different accent, is immediately categorized into our pre-conceived file for identifiying people. This is a huge limiter because it dismisses the ability to engage in learning from another human being. Grouping is natural because it is our brains making a move for greater efficiency. We cannot possibly process each person we meet as a distinct individual. Or can we? The next time we encounter someone who is unfamiliar to us, maybe we should turn off our brain filters, and engage in our common humanity. A world of understanding is a handshake away.

  And if i were throwing a party with the above mentioned particulars, i would have a fleet of human powered drawn carriges out front of my high rise apartment. And in between the sesame chicken and the obscene dessert we would race to the capitol building here in Denver. Whoever got there first would receive a $100 mens warehouse gift-card, and a funky hat.

• Neil
  November 11th, 2008
  4:45 am
  

  Suggestion for an anti-complaint tool:

  When you hear a whine in progress, try asking “What would you like to do?” (or something as similar as you can). Avoid slipping (or letting them) slip into how they want things to magically “be” without doing something themselves to create their preferred outcome.

  I’ve observed that those who would rather be unhappy (presumably for the lack of anything better to do) often lapse into embarrassed silence a few seconds after their initial unempowered not-taking-personal-responsibility response. And occasionally, you get to witness a breakthrough (of the “I guess I could come half an hour earlier to avoid the queue” type).

• gillian rees
  November 11th, 2008
  3:01 pm
  

  i have removed all vocabulary that admits to chance, fortune and luck, as i don’t believe that these are actual forces in life. So, no more, un/fortunately, un/lucky, hopefully, good luck etc….it is challenging to come up with other ways to say nice things to people, or to be compassionate without saying these types of things, that don’t mean much and aren’t comforting really…so i am going deeper and thinking more actively…it is amazing how often one uses these terms…

  best wishes…

• Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment  | Justin Razmus, The Official Site - Real Estate, Business, and more…
  November 29th, 2008
  3:34 pm
  

  [...] Follow this linkback to the blog of Timothy Ferriss, the author of The 4 Hour Work Week. I thought this was an interesting post. How many of us can go 21 days without complaining? I really believe complaining less makes us more successful, and helps us see the best in even the worst situations. What is your take on this article? [...]

• J.R. Jackson (Internet's $8-Million Man)
  December 4th, 2008
  3:57 am
  

  I just ordered the book. I wonder if there is a place here in Utah that would have the bracelets?

  J.R.

• If you are wondering about the last post then think about this » David M. Frees
  December 21st, 2008
  8:43 pm
  

  [...] Want another experiment that can really improve your life and your business?  This one is tough.  Seriously.  I’m not sure that you can handle this.  As the label to Arrogant Bastard Beer says – “You’re probably moving your lips as you read this.” If you are, be careful. This experiment can change you and it is not for the weak minded fool at all.  Tim Ferris describes his experiences with this experiment and how it worked for him at The Four Hour Work Week. [...]

• e-satis
  December 29th, 2008
  5:58 am
  

  Well, it’s an old blog post, but since an idea is never lost :

  For a cheap memorable party, I’ll go with the giant bubble recipe. I am not talking about that messy-fashion-bubble-bath parties where every body is covered with soap.

  I am talking about a recipe mixing water, fairy dreft and glycerin, allowing anyone with a string to create 3-4 m big bubbles. It’s magical, and fun.

  And for the ones that won’t be satisfied with a such the girly concept, you can use methane to blow the bubbles and make your own incredible pyrotechnical show, including special effects, with very little money.

  You may be sued as well. I did not, and it’s worth it. Especially by night on the beach… Watch you friends anyway, it smells like fried chicken, the party will be over.

• Stop Complaining! Can you make it to 21 days? | journey to flow
  January 18th, 2009
  8:16 pm
  

  [...] in the darkness, I remembered Tim Ferriss’s post where he shared that he was conducting an experiment in not complaining for 21 days straight. The concept came from Will Bowen, a Kansas City minister, who designed a [...]

• Chris
  January 21st, 2009
  3:31 am
  

  Hi there,

  I know I’m late in the game, but just wanted to add what I think may be another cognitive glitch that should be eradicated. It is really just two words, that often appear in any dialogue.

  “Yeah, but…”

  It slips out before we know it, and yet it does such damage to any attempt at generating or building ideas.

  “Yeah” corresponds to the non-acknowledgment of what was just said, the walking over it. It makes no attempt to bridge the two speakers. It is an override.

  “But” is an almost a conversational onomatopoeia, because it actually butts in with the second speaker’s preconceived or just-conceived ideas. It begins a new line of thought that negates whatever was just said.

  I propose that this little minion of unreflective thought be driven out of our dialogues, especially those that try to reach a deeper understanding of any given issue, or give rise to new ideas. Or even more so, when there is disagreement.

  In its stead I might suggest pauses, actual moments of silence or thought phrases (“Hmmm…” etc.), in order to actually take in and process what was said and meld it in some way with what is to come.

  More than that, it shifts the goals of dialogue from domination to an intersubjective sensitivity whereby the act of building ideas is more important.

  I know this is a small thing, but I feel it is one worth examining in daily life.

• Daniel
  January 30th, 2009
  2:11 pm
  

  stop stopping and start loving

• The Art of Focusing - Non Toxin
  February 3rd, 2009
  12:19 am
  

  [...] Lifestyle Design pioneer Tim Ferriss wanted to inculcate a new habit: to stop frivolous complaining. He realized that if he could control his words, he could control and think better thoughts too. To keep himself focused on developing this habit, he went on a 21 day no complaining experiment. [...]

• A Complaint Free World « Paul Richardson
  February 12th, 2009
  7:09 am
  

  [...] I’m going to take another crack at it.  I just read an old blog post from Tim Ferriss about trying to kick complaining for 21 days (he himself got the idea from an author of a book on [...]

• The Anti-Value of Complaints and Criticism — worldmegan
  February 24th, 2009
  7:46 am
  

  [...] will do this. If you’re succeeding, it’s in spite of yourself. (Incidentally, some incredibly successful people have removed complaints from their routine, not even counting [...]

• ADDucation | Living the ADD Lifestyle | Thoughts Are Things
  March 3rd, 2009
  9:38 pm
  

  [...] I first found out about this through the blog of Tim Ferriss, who regularly has interesting posts on creating a desirable lifestyle. You can read his post on it here. [...]

• Project Hitchhiker » Man vs. Wild: The Trials and Tribulations of Not Complaining
  March 13th, 2009
  7:48 pm
  

  [...] Also coincidentally, Macs are the reason Tim Ferris had to restart his No Complaint Challenge (here). I guess the universe is conspiring to keep Macs [...]

• Project Hitchhiker » The 21 Day No Complaint Challenge
  March 13th, 2009
  7:50 pm
  

  [...] to notice a a post on Tim Ferris’ Four Hour Workweek Blog about his experience with the 21 Day No Complaint Challenge; then a few days later, without prompting or mention of what I was reading, a fellow survival [...]

• Anthonyology » 21 Day No Complaint Test
  March 16th, 2009
  9:41 pm
  

  [...] start back at 0 if you notice you complain). In discussing his own 21 day experiment, Tim Ferriss offers the following definition: I defined “complaining” for myself as follows: describing an event or person negatively [...]

• Martijn
  March 18th, 2009
  12:26 pm
  

  People who say it can not be done should get out of the way of people who are doing it! Here I come

  Nice mantra.

• Chad McMillan
  March 19th, 2009
  10:37 pm
  

  Well this question is from a while ago, but I thought I would post anyway.

  What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop?

  Well its not really a behavior to stop, but what about a behavior to start?
  I think if you train yourself to pick up 1 piece of garbage a day, the world would be alot better. Its amazing how much trash is out there, all around us. If each of us was to pick up 1 piece, everyday….well that would make a big difference, and a cleaner happier planet!

  Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?

  This ones a little tougher…..I’ld probably rent a couple of those giant blow up bouncers and slides. When ever you see those, they are only at kids parties, and adults don’t get to go on them. I think it would be a blast!

  Thanks

• Aaron I
  March 29th, 2009
  12:54 am
  

  Another behavior that people should stop is saying “uh… uh… , and-and-and” and the like while speaking. Doing so wastes time and decreases your credibility.

  A bracelet, necklace, or simple marking with a marker could be used to remind the user to calm down and speak without interrupting his or her self.

• sri
  April 1st, 2009
  7:48 pm
  

  “word choice determines thought choice”

  sort of. they influence each other… like a feedback loop.

  so what determines word choice? assuming speaker not reading from script.

  metaphor choice.
  symbols and interpreted meaning.

  do you think will bowen has a metpahor?
  of course. everyone does.

  some people take their metaphors literally. e.g. they may think that a symbolic event in history used to convey meaning(s) actually took place.
  this is how disagreements are made.

  all due respect, i wonder if will wants you to have the same metaphor as he does. can he tolerate other metaphors?

  only he knows.

• Laura T.
  April 2nd, 2009
  7:40 pm
  

  I’d add not accepting complements right up there with complaining about yourself.

  If someone says something nice about you, arguing with them is awkward and bad form. Smile, say “thanks,” and move on!

• Boyd Smith
  April 12th, 2009
  5:29 pm
  

  Criticism & complaint are a few of our dark companions as entrepreneurs. By definition we are always looking for a better way than the status quo. This causes us to see the lack so that we can identify the opportunity to make it better. The more we develop the opportunity the more we realize how lacking the status quo really is. It is a vicious cycle….and once we put more energy into identifying the problems than we do in making the solutions we have failed. Avoiding this failure requires radical action like Tim described in the post.

  Other good books on this subject include:

  QBQ – The Question behind the Question by John Miller

  How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie

• CVOS man
  April 14th, 2009
  3:51 pm
  

  If you have computer problems (or any basic questions) use twitter. I have tweeted when I was at a dead end or needed good recommendations and have almost always been pleasantly surprised with the helpful results.

  You could have asked how to resize images in iphoto and found this is done through:

  file > export > set the file type

• lee
  April 14th, 2009
  4:31 pm
  

  Several years ago, after I’d gone through a very rough patch, I found that no-one wanted to be around me and realized that just about everything that came out of my mouth was negative and victim-based. Blecch!

  I decided that I wasn’t going to let anything negative come out of my mouth for 30 days just to see how my world would change. It worked. The first couple of weeks, I didn’t contribute much to conversations, but eventually my mind started, without a lot of effort on my part, to come up with positive things to say. Now people think of me as an enormously positive person and I’m able to see opportunities everywhere. It’s probably the biggest life-changer I’ve done in the last ten years.

• Joseph Turian
  April 14th, 2009
  6:40 pm
  

  Tim,

  Try this social experiment. Tiana and I call it: “No More Hand Holding”.

  Do you ever have friends who you need to nag, repeatedly, to get them to do things that are ultimately in their best interest? Like you have to ask them four times to go to a fun party with you. 75% of the time, these friends just like it that you hold their hand in order to get them to do things. And the other 25% of the time, they flat out refuse, and you feel even stupider for wasting your time.

  So the rule is: If someone declines to do something that you know is in their best interest, *after you have explained to them why they should do it*, then you stop. Can you make it for twenty-one days? Actually, this one is easy, because it’s so exhilarating to be discharged from the responsibility of helping ungrateful people.

• kawn
  April 14th, 2009
  7:45 pm
  

  in my experience this will not work with my family (we are jewish)

• Oscar Del Ben
  April 15th, 2009
  12:57 am
  

  The most important behavior people should change is to stop complain when they get up in the morning. Start the day by smiling and jump off your bed to enjoy the first day of your future life.

• Monique Sno
  April 27th, 2009
  8:30 am
  

  Tim,
  Thanks for recommending A Complaint-Free World. Your definition of a complaint provides me with a practical way to convert C.A.V.E. (Citizens Against Virtually Everything) dwellers into more positive contributors. As a change agent, this is an invaluable skill to acquire. I can even help improve my own self-talk with your tips.

• Mike
  April 28th, 2009
  3:19 am
  

  I randomly came across this article (I don’t even remember where), but I like the idea. I think I’ll try it, with or without the bracelet. It ought to be quite the challenge, but by the end of it, I should be further toward my current goal in life.

  As for my suggestion as to what people should quit, I think that the world would be in a lot better shape if people would slow down a bit. This would involve several factors, such as less procrastination to allow more time for tasks to get done, but I think that the overall effect of relaxation would relieve a good bit of societal tension. If people don’t feel so much like they have to be five places at once, maybe they’ll be more polite in the one place they are at that moment.

  For the 100 VIPs, I suggest a game: Give each VIP between $20 and $40 (depending on region and budget), take them out to a semi-rural area, and play golf. The rules, of course, being that they have to make their own golf clubs, out of whatever they can buy with their budget or scrounge up from a smallish town and/or a rural setting (we’ll be fair and hold it somewhere with trees, just so they have potential to use long sticks). Actual golf balls are provided as projectiles, and each hole is roughly… we’ll say 50 or 100 yards away from the tee.

  The winner is calculated not only on best actual score in the game, but also by factoring in how frugal they were with their individual budget, and how imaginative their clubs were, both in design and personalization.

• Are You Sick of Chronic Complainers? | Change Agent Soft Skills Training | Lean Six Sigma Source
  May 4th, 2009
  8:51 am
  

  [...] love the way Tim Ferriss defines complaining: “describing an event or person negatively without indicating next steps [...]

• 21 Day Challenge « Jeannie Sherman’s Blog
  May 12th, 2009
  11:36 am
  

  [...] Day Challenge Last week Dan and I read the 21 Day Challenge it was very inspiring for us and we started right away. That was last week. It took until yesterday [...]

• Bev
  May 20th, 2009
  1:36 am
  

  I like the first 2 things you found out but didn’t agree with “People want to be around action-oriented problem solvers.”

  Women often talk to sort out their ideas and emotions and hate it when blokes jump in and start telling them the solution. Listening is appreciated. We are not dumb, just talking.

• Man vs. Wild: The Trials and Tribulations of Not Complaining | Project Hitchhiker
  June 7th, 2009
  3:12 pm
  

  [...] Also coincidentally, Macs are the reason Tim Ferris had to restart his No Complaint Challenge (here). I guess the universe is conspiring to keep Macs [...]

• Jeff
  June 11th, 2009
  9:35 am
  

  In my opinion almost any critique can be borderline complaint. In some way you are evaluating, comparing and even while you might be say “it’s good” behind the scene you may be thinking how it could be better, hence the complaint in the background. If you want to get rally radical just try a zero tolerance for anything critical at all for just one day and see what you can find out. If you can find a partner who can criticize you and point out whenever you are being critical but you can not say anything back that is all the better. believe me it’ll bring out the best (and maybe worst) in you. Good luck with the experiment.

  Bonus: I’d hire a live karaoke band for the event. That means the guests could sing popular songs with a professional band and make sure to send pics to all the guests of their performances.

• Jeff
  June 17th, 2009
  11:50 pm
  

  VInce Great resizing tip!

  Tim, If you’re really lazy you can let mail resize your images too. Just drop an image into a new message and use the image size option at the bottom right of the mail. Trade off is that you have to select from predefined sizes (usually one will suit most situations). Once you have resized just drag it from Mac Mail into a folder where you store your images. You can even drag it back into iPhoto if you want.

• Jeff
  June 17th, 2009
  11:58 pm
  

  Sorry macLuv, I just noticed your posting of the same thing, oops…

• Not Complaining, Expressing Appreciation « Erin Elizabeth’s Blog
  June 22nd, 2009
  2:56 pm
  

  [...] project where I’m trying not to complain for 30 days in a row.  I got the idea from a blog post by Tim Ferris, author of The 4-Hour Work Week. I bought a bracelet and every time I complain I moved it to the [...]

• HW
  June 29th, 2009
  6:01 pm
  

  hm, that is interesting, and it’s something that I try to do, without really having a word – let alone a wrist band switching system – for it.

  However, I feel I must be the devil’s advocate and point out that complaining must have it’s place– it is such a widespread behaviour that I find it doubtful that it serves no purpose. I’m not sure what it is, but I’m convinced that we don’t all engage in it so naturally and freely for no particular reason.

  doesn’t counselling/therapy basically consist of the patient ‘complaining’? I’m told studies suggest that talking to a friend can be just as helpful as talking to a therapist- it’s like complaining/venting is our debugging mode.

  Complaining about something is also a way of expressing a dislike for it, which can connect you to people who share your opinion, or start a (hopefully constructive and informative) debate with someone who disagrees with you.

  I’m not saying everyone should complain more, of course. Certainly, analysing what you’re saying and why is always helpful.
  But, a world /completely/ without complaints I would find unnatural and weird.

  or.. is that just me complaining?
  .. in fact, in a way it’s complaining that people complain too much. Though, I think what you’re suggesting here is a way to make complains meaningful, and to think about what you’re saying, and I’m all for that ^.^

• Conscious Living: A 21-Day Mental Challenge To Redefine Your Mind | Jason Spencer - GPS For Success
  June 30th, 2009
  10:31 pm
  

  [...] us to sport a purple rubber bracelet as a form of metacognitive awareness training (thank you Timothy Ferris for this poignant observation) in what Bowen calls the 21-Day Challenge. You have to go 21-Days without complaining, criticizing [...]

• Cat Goldstone
  July 23rd, 2009
  3:19 am
  

  This post so inspired me. But I “tweaked” it from a 21 day complaint fast to a month long empowerment “diet”. Basically wearing a bracelet on one arm to remind me in eliminating my turbo “you suck” moments and instead remaining conscious of my intrinsic and dynamic worth.

  First day I failed…but was a lesson in neutralization of negative thought and redirection towards positive.

  I am on day 15 :) it’s wonderful.

• T. Wade
  September 2nd, 2009
  8:55 am
  

  My first thought when I read this was “this idea is terrible & won’t work” so when I receive my bracelet, I’ll immediately put it on my right wrist. I was gonna start on my left, so strike 1!

  Love the blog Tim, I’m still confused by last years April Fools Joke. Who am I talking to now…are you one of the voices in my head???

  Keep it up, you’re helping me change from the inside out!

• Tim Ferriss
  September 3rd, 2009
  12:33 am
  

  Hi T,

  Just the real McCoy. Tim Ferriss — I am he.

  :)

  Tim

• Mo Kunz
  September 15th, 2009
  1:53 pm
  

  Tim, I like this concept, I think it is awesome to have a reminder system. I however think that your reframe still has a little negative side to it. If we look at this from a place of “It’s all about me” and knowing that we create everything around us, then we must look within when the a**hole or negative circumstance shows up. They dont just show up, we bring them forth. That circumstance is always a reminder of what is going on inside of us. When the rude guy shows up and delivers his message, rather than get annoyed and think he is a jerk, we can look at what his rude message was about. If we look past what it is that he doesnt want (his complaint) and ask what is it that this guy really wants. We can come up with a list of things such as:
  1-He wants to know that he is getting the service that he deserves from our great postal service.
  2-He wants to be respected and treated like more than a number.
  3-He really wants to hurry home to his family.
  4-He wants to whatever it is….

  Now that we have the “do want”, we can turn that into coaching for ourselves, because the negative that shows up is usually asking us to make a correction in our own lives, its a reflection of our own inner voice. If you ever notice in those public situations, the people who are happy and on track in their lives will almost never notice or get triggered by this and in fact may think, oh that poor guy must have a lot on his plate and feel sorry for him. The people that are off track or are in self conscious or “beat up” mode are the ones who get triggered and notice how rude he was.

  So to some this up, I think its ok to give people feedback but always in a positive way like, Wow, what you just said was kind of rude and didnt sound good, man you must have a lot going on in your world, are you ok? Or even feed back to them their positive message like, Wow, you must be in a hurry and it looks like you are feeling disrespected here… etc. Once we determine what the positive intent behind the negative that shows up, we can look and see where we are looking for that correction in our life and apply it accordingly. Once applied, notice how those negatives disappear until we get off track again :)

  I’m out

  Mo

• Complain-Free «
  October 4th, 2009
  3:11 am
  

  [...] have read such an interesting idea last week on Tim Ferris’s blog . I bet we all contemplated it every once and a while. I know I have. And I might as well do [...]

• Stephen Davenport
  October 15th, 2009
  2:18 am
  

  People should stop smoking. As an aid to those that quit smoking, the bracelet could be used as a way to stop thinking about smoking. I quit smoking by literally telling myself that I would never think about cigarettes again and I didn’t until I had the strength and self control to think about it. I would also use the bracelet to remind youself to stop thinking about defeat in any form when taking on a new project.

• Oleg Mokhov
  October 23rd, 2009
  9:09 am
  

  Hey Tim,

  Live life to the fullest by being proactive, not reactive.

  Rather than complaining or coping, think of how you can improve your situation or solve the problem. Instead of giving excuses for why you can’t do something, think of how you can.

  This bracelet idea is an awesome external force to push you into no-complaint zone. A visual object constantly on your hand to remind you not to complain, but instead seek solutions. Diverting otherwise wasted energy into effective uses for it.

  Thanks for sharing the bracelet method and the book,
  Oleg

• Zach Worthington
  November 13th, 2009
  12:29 am
  

  I think people should stop blabbing to me about things I don’t care about. I’m not asking for mind readers, I am simply recommending guiding conversations with pointed questions rather than an itinerary of thoughts to find the most meaningful and efficient way to communicate.
  As for the VIP party, let’s adorn each guest with a toga for starters…

• gcsadovy
  November 28th, 2009
  7:38 am
  

  Political Correctness should be completely eliminated from humanity. It’s like making it acceptable to be secretly irrationally unpleasant and condescending. It eats away at the fiber of a person until you are degraded into a spoon fed weakling unfit for raw honesty and general society. I believe that it is one of the three great enemies of America, along with fast food and shoes.

  I like the idea of the swear word; it gives a gravity or a sense of ridiculousness to a situation that you would otherwise not be able to elucidate as colorfully. However, in order to prevent yourself from becoming the kind of person that uses curses in everyday conversation and nullifies the value of them, try what Wes Anderson did in Fantastic Mr. Fox, and substitute the word “cuss.” It will, as a side effect, make life incredibly funny. I guarantee that the first time you say “clustercuss” you will laugh your cuss off.

  For a party, I suggest that you take everyone to a goodwill or salvation army, have them buy a ridiculous outfit, and then hold an impromptu rave/volleyball game at a public park or some such place and play “Let Her Dance” by Bobby Fuller Four.

• Tasha
  November 29th, 2009
  4:31 pm
  

  Whether you think so or not it definately IS still complaining whenever you point out someone else is doing so-It’s just complaining about the fact someone else complains,or gossips

  Here’s how I define complaining.I think of it as any comment about something negative.It’s the whole “If you don’t have anything nice to say,don’t say it all”philosophy but taken further,”If you don’t have anything good to say,say nothing at all….”

  To practice that,IS MUCH more challenging

• Life: Reviewed – Summer Holidays « Stranded Gypsy Girl
  November 30th, 2009
  12:36 am
  

  [...] go all holidays without complaining: I have stolen this great idea from Tim Ferris and I think it’s brilliant. I mean the final year of school teaches you to be a world class [...]

• Accentuating the Positive & Finding Probable Solutions to the Negative:My Own 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment - On the Soapbox
  December 15th, 2009
  2:51 pm
  

  [...] further outside of my comfort zone and started to explore Ferris’ blog, I came across a post that dealt with what he called “The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment.”   In it he [...]

• Anon
  December 24th, 2009
  3:16 pm
  

  Great post. That minister is on to something. I think I will incorporate that into my life. Maybe I’ll just use my watch instead of the bracelet. It is almost like a self-imposed public shaming, but with a curative effect being applied to the one who is shamed, rather than a protective effect being given to society.

• Adam Davis
  December 30th, 2009
  7:10 am
  

  This would be a great documentary to have a guy like Morgan Spurlock (of Supersize me fame) do.

  At what point in our lives do we turn into rags? Do 2nd graders stand around on the playground and complain to each other?

• Franz
  December 31st, 2009
  3:26 pm
  

  I know this post is from long ago and of course I don’t want a bracelet, but I think people should stop punishing. Receiving a punishment for something you did wrong doesn’t really solve anything. Anyone who makes a mistake should be talked into understanding why what they did was wrong and then asked to try and repair it. Of course not everything is just as easy as that but again punishment is an easy way out that doesn’t solve anything.

• 2009 Quarter 4 Update: A Year In Review | the 9 to 5 alternative
  January 1st, 2010
  7:51 pm
  

  [...] To Be Rich and restructure and optimize my finances. Track all my expense. To the penny. Finish the 21-day No-Complaint Experiment Score at least $15,000 on Jeopardy! using the Coryat method. So far my highest score is [...]

• Heyward
  January 3rd, 2010
  10:39 am
  

  Just read the “radical honesty” article. How did your own ‘radical honesty’ experiment go? Did you ever blog about it?

• The Single Most Important Aspect to Succeeding Online | Feint
  January 7th, 2010
  3:19 am
  

  [...] mind control and discipline, but more importantly get you thinking in a positive manner.   Read this post by Tim to learn more and then pick up a bracelet [...]

• Will Bowen
  January 13th, 2010
  9:01 am
  

  Thanks to Tim for the original post and for the many follow up comments. In one of them, Adam suggested we create a documentary on the Complaint Free World. We just finished a movie titled, “A Complaint Free Revolution” that’s premiered the same day my second book “Complaint Free Relationships” came out. You can find out more at our web site.

• Beryl Nu'u
  February 12th, 2010
  11:12 am
  

  Loved the article!

  Can’t believe it took from September 07 to February 10 for me to read. Two and a half years to get to New Zealand.. Where are we the other side of the world? Hmmm… Is there a fix for that? Mental note: think of strategy to bring NZed closer

• rephore
  February 24th, 2010
  2:08 am
  

  Took me about one a half years of trying.

  Finally did it. No complaints, no negativity and no swear words.

  My record is 55 days. Which ended today. I started last New Year.

  Gotta say, it felt so satisfying to finally swear again.

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